Feral Heart
FeralHeart Creations => FeralHeart Media => Stories => Topic started by: Verinian on June 21, 2012, 03:48:26 am
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Post reserved.
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Say what you think... Or if you even care at least. I know I have a spastic style of writing. But I think in that manor anyways... So bleh.
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Ooh, this is very nice, Aster! Like, really! nice. ^^ I love how you coupled it with music, and I have to say RainyMood is absolutely wonderful for this; as well as the Listen On Repeat - Clinton Mansell - Stay With Me. It fits very, very well together. I love when authors add something else to their writing, to make it more than 2D.
As for the writing. I've seen different styles of writing, and even in your RPs, I've noticed different sentence stucture. Lots of abrubted ending or starting phrases. Incomplete, but with a certain thought so that it's almost hinting at something more. Emphasized, if you will. It's interesting, but for a story like this it works well together. If that's how you write, and you're comfortable with it, for for it!
I don't want to come off like a proffessional critic or whatnot, but I do want to critic this, because like every writer knows, that's how you learn and grow in your skills and writing, especially from other witers.
Yes, you do have... spastic could be a way for it. It's different. Unique. And I like that; originality is always a plus, at least for me. I'm not sure if it would be good for, say, something proffessional, (I'm not sure how you consider writing for a carreer. I wouldn't really recommend this style for a novel or novelette or what ever. For something more.. poetic, it probably wouldn't be a big deal.), but for a short story like this, it gives it... more feeling. More depth to it. Little grammer/spelling/punctuation mistakes here and there, but not enough to take away from the story as a whole. And pink? Haha, and odd choice, but if you think it fits... xD
As for the story itself, I absolutely love the idea and feel. The ... leave emphasis on the, hm, how desperate the story is? How pleading it is and how the character, Marthnan, suffers. (By the way, I just love the names you come up with. More originality points there. ^^ I cannot tell you how much I despise the names 'Shadow,' 'Luna,' and 'Fang.' Oi, they make me want to stab something.) The setting, and the hinting of the past; the misunderstandings and trouble with his father. And then a female dragon, Kandria, comes by just in time to save him. She is an interesting character how you describe her; '"...she smirked, but behind her rude facade she was slightly worried about him." Very interesting indeed, but her personality draws me in. Not only because it's interesting, but because I can connect with that.
Now, connections. I've always believed that stories, poems, writings are heavily based on feelings. Of course they are. Some aren't as strong; some are fake as well, but this particular writing, and the personalities in the characters, reflect something more in the writer. Anything and everything is connected, and the feeling and mood here, which I have come to assume is reflected by yourself, is also reflected in the reader. Hardships are always a way to connect, and therefore makes the reader more... absorbed into your writings. Personally, I've always loved dark, depressing, and not-so-happy-ever-after ending stories/poems/writings, because of the kind of person I am. From the RPs I've seen you in, and this writing, I can tell you feel at least somewhat the same way. And that's wonderful, because there's that connection there. Feelings feed off of connections: severed or strengthened. Some good, some not so good. I believe you could be a very influential writer if you continue to... captivate your audience within the feeling, mood, and connections, as well as hinted... morals, lessons, messages, or themes in your writing. Influence is a powerful tool, and I hope you use it well.
Holy fudgenuggets, I did it again. Typed a whole crapload. >.> Sorry about that, Aster, I tend to go overboard with me thoughts and rants, especially when it comes to writing. It's a very strong passion of mine, as well as art is. I'm sure you could understand, yes? Just a few more things; feel at least somewhat proud of your work! It's that great that you can brag about it! Share it, so you can grow with yoru writing and learn more experiences! You have a wonderful story here, and great potential for something alot bigger and greater (such as a full novel or novelette of whatever it is you're thinking of writing. I know I've always wanted to write something like that, but I can't seem to commit to the time, thought, and effort, as well as length. -.- I'll never succeed as a published author, with deadlines and such, haha. xD)! I wish you goodluck with the rest of your story as well as writing career if you continue to persue it, and I can't wait for the rest of this short story of yours! ^^ Keep up the fabulous work, Aster!
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Thanks. All the short stops have a reason. Notice that Kandria had either few or absolutely none? And Marthnan a ton? It is completely purposeful. And the truth about the feelings is Marthnan is a dragon reflection of me in a mirror. I have a form of autism. Which I slightly drew into it. though you might only be noticing it now. I am a VERY literal person in addition. Slow processing speed means I have to take time to even know what I am thinking.
I drew on all of this stuff to create Marthnan. A dragon alter-ego I guess you could say. And placed him into a world that seemed against him.
I found the music by accident on another RP site. And I found it fit better with my story than their post.
rainymood.com I just love. And yesterday I was listening to the repeat song for 16 hours non-stop. ._.
And oh yes. No MS word for me. ;3 I didn't spell/grammar check it because the fragments are purposeful. And Mozilla had an internal spell check.
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No problem! ^^ And they have a reason? At first, I didn't really notice that. But here, yes I noticed there was emphasis. I also did see that Kandria had very little; Mathnan a lot, yes. And thank you for being honest, I know how hard it can be to talk truthfully about feelings. I could tell Mathnan was based off of yourself, and how you persieved? Perseeved. However the heck you spell that. Persieved the world around you, I guess?
It's a very nice picture you've painted with Marthnan and the whole story. He's like a fursona, as us furries would call it. xD Generally, they're... well, furry creatures, but I've seen dragons too. I don't know if yo consider youself a furry (I consider myself.. half furry I guess. >.> I'm not quite sure.) And yeah, the world's always out to get you; you just can't let that happen though. I love Marthnan's determination to not let that take him down; to stay alive. And how even when there's practically nothing for him, he still placed Kandria's well being over his own.
Haha, I know, I found RainyMood from Youtube, when one of the top comments said to go to RainyMood.com and listen to that, then play the song. Together, they fit nicely; just as the music peice does with yours. I'm still listening to them togther, they're that good!
Oh, don't worry about the little mistakes. And MS word would drive you nuts with the fragments, you're totally right. It pisses me off to have one or two green or red underlined sentences, but... the whole story? e.e Let's not even go to how insane that would drive me... xD Yeah, just forget about it; it's no biggie. xD
But I can't wait for the next chapter/part!~
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It's awkward in school when the teachers come to you to ask how to spell certain words... And I know about the stupid lines. On one of the other sites I RP on I joined the furries guild. Though I am not a furry. Some say scalies but I say draconics.
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I am thinking about finding what to put up next here... Ahh. I so love the music... This song... I get stuck so easily. And then there is Nox Arcana... But anyhow. Now to find out what section of this to put up... Since after the latest flash update the song link doesn't work anymore. I am changing the site in hopes it will work.
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Hiya Aster!~ ^^
Wonderful second chapter! :D I abosolutely love your description of how their scales change color! I think that's really creative, and the spring was an unexpected and interesting twist! But I like it! ... -Refrains from a perverted comment- I can't wait for more!
And do you mean that you're trying to find another peice of music to partner with your writing, but it's not working? And changing the site, as in for the music, or the story?
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The newest version of adobe flash player is... buggy. So I changed the site in the original song link to one that will work anyways. So it has a way to repeat and play at all.
I might not be able to post up the next chapter by the way... It breaks the rule of... Blood and such... Dang it...
And thank you for the compliments.
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Ah, yeah adobe flash has been really annoying and locks up a lot. What song were you thinking of using? Oh! And on another note, were you the one that said you liked Owl City? I love Owl City too! -Listening to 'I'll Meet You There'- I could've sworn I read that somewhere... I think it was in the Talent Seekers RP, the way beginning when I was reading to catch up on the RP. Or maybe it was the Anthro one you were in with Draco... maybe that was it. I was thinking of joining that one, but then it died so I never did.
So, back onto the topic... xD Let's see, well personally, I love gore and graphic scenes. ^^ That's generally how I RP wolves in-game, haha. There's plenty of vicious packs in FH that are perfect for that. But anyways, I've seen other graphic threads, but I think they were allowed because they put 'PG 13 For Blood and Gore' in the title. As a warning, you know? If that's still against the rules, then maybe you can post some of the chapter that's fine, and then link the rest to your dA account. And there you can post the graphic posts in a journal, yeah?
And you're welcome for the compliments! c:
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I think I might be forced to put this on hiatus... I am... I might be losing my mind... I am sorry to anyone who might be looking forwards to more of this soon... I just. Have to think about some things...
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Aww... I'm going to miss coming back to read more of the story, but I respect your choice. ^^ I'll be here waiting when you come back to finish!
But, oh my, do you really think you're going insane? I mean... that's... woah. Are you okay? D: You can't loose your mind, you have to keep up with all your genius works! I- I really hope you get better! If you ever need some help, you can always talk to me, Aster. c':
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It was a short hiatus... But yeah. I could feel it attempting to slip away... But now I am fine. Irritated at my brother... *Must stop thinking about it, since they only further him towards madness* But besides that. 6 hours of Left 4 Dead Yesterday. 8 today. Played through every single campaign with a friend already. And now my mind has fo0cused and stopped fraying. Feels so much better. Gah, is that feeling scary when you feel you might just slip away... ;-;
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Aye, video games do wonders to a brain. Some good... others, not so much. But I'm glad to hear you feel much better!
And it does seem like brothers are the root of much stress and frustration.
So, does that mean you'll put up the third chapter soon? :D Oh! And I've loved this story so much I did a little pencil drawing of Marthnan and Kandria.~ :3 It's not great, lol, and it's a little cartoony, but I like it. Sorta... xD I'm planning on making a larger, more serious and better version with maybe alittle color, too. I'll probably put up the pencil drawing sometime soon on dA, if ya want to see it. :3
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I'll see if I can get up "Chapter three" soon and reformat it to work correctly and such...
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Nice work, Aster. I really like what you've done so far. ^^
I'm sorry that you felt like you were losing your mind for a while.. That's really scary. But I'm glad it's back to normal now. :3 I'm also here if you need someone to talk/vent with, even though we've never really talked before. XD
It's very interesting to me how so many people on forums such as this have autism of some kind or some other disorder. Great minds think alike, I suppose. I myself am an Aspie. c;
Anyway, keep up the good work! I hope Ch. 3 is up soon.
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I might be able to get this continued eventually. It all depends on my friend from Australia who plays Kandria.
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:o No way! :D Yay, you might finish... or continue! Glad to know you're at least considering it, Aster, because this was a great piece of work and I encourage you to peruse it. ^^ And that's very interesting you have someone play your character- I've sort of seen that before, where others give the chars, and then a basis of what they'd like to see happen... very nice. c:
Anyways, I'm always glad to hear updates, Aster. Keep up the good work!~
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No. It started as an RP... It died. THe owner no longer had internet acess. But I continued the small legacy of the RP with my friend in a chat. Role playing. 2 person RP. And I turned it into this... The reason I didn't put any more in for so long is because of a hacker on their part. Keylogged into their stuff and botched stuff up.
And for the longest time no will to do such... Because of so. I am hoping that we might be able to continue it soon. At any point in time. I can be running in as many as twelve different RPs.
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Oh, really? Wow... That's really cool of you to turn an RP into this; a story... Although you still keep it role-playable (haha, is that a word? xD). That does suck big time about the hacker thing, though. I've heard a lot of hacker issues come up lately, and has gotten them into terrible situations because of that. :c
Anyways, if you could continue this- and I strongly encourage you to keep up motivation for it!- that would be amashzing.~ ^^ I hope everything goes alright for them, too.
Twelve RPs at once. Shesh, and I thought I couldn't handle a hand full... Well, that is a lot, and I know what it means to be overwhelmed, especially when you feel like you are obligated to contribute and be there in the RP (or whatever it is) all the time. So, that in mind, I would like to seeyou continue this.. Legacy xD.. But not to the extent wereit is stressful, overwhelming, and feels like a chore.
Whatever it is, I'm glad you're at least still coming back to it, and thinking about it.~
Good luck to you- and your friend!