Feral Heart
FeralHeart Roleplay => Characters => Topic started by: blueroseknight95 on May 07, 2012, 01:57:58 am
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View her journal at wingedcrow.livejournal.com
(If this doesn't belong here, please tell me.)
Name: Crow
Reason for Name: Can fly higher than anyone else on Avioshaven, wings are jet black, is very fast
Age: 1 year (dog years)
Gender: Female
Height: 3 feet at the shoulder
Rank: Ex-Winged Guardian
Weight: 120 lbs
Wing Span: 12 feet wide
Description: Jet black, orange eyes (black white of eyes, slit pupil), blue Siamese markings on head and body, tail tip is blue, wings are/were jet black
Pack: Wing Road Pack
Bio: She was banished from her home on Avioshaven for killing her sister with "no cause." Her wings were ripped off, and she now lives in a world known as Feral Heart.
Species: Bird Blade Wolf (only species with a royal guard, speicies of bird-winged animals)
Home: Avioshaven Atlantis
Nickname: Death's Wings
Reason for Nickname: Because of her powers.
Powers: (there are 6)
1. Can walk on water.
2. She can turn any surface jet black, including the water, with each step she takes (this curses anyone who walks over it).
3. She can make a barrier of crow feathers as a defense, as well as make it rain blood and crow feathers.
4. Her eyes change colors to show her emotion.
5. She can throw her voice into a screech mixed with a roar, which is deafening.
6. She can heal using the crow feathers.
Personality: She is helpful and free spirited. Her personality is kind, but can be aggressive when it's needed.
Type of Howl: A beautiful song of a howl. Her howl tells her story, and makes even the coldest of hearts melt.
Voice Tone: She is usually emotionless, fearing that she might screech like the bird she was named after.
Wanna RP with her? We can email, use the Feral Heart Forum, or Facebook.
[email protected] (email and Facebook)
blueroseknight95
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Wow. This is an amazing bio. I can see you put a lot of hard work into it. Good job fur you :3
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Yep, and it doesn't help matters any when the keyboard thinks you type too fast, and the mouse quits working. ^^" And, thank you. ^^ I was looking at my dog and measured him. He's 150 lbs and 2 feet at the shoulder. (he's a yellow lab, btw, mostly muscle) And I guess I just wanted a bigger wolfy than him, but lighter in weight. (I'm 5'7, so 3 feet is pretty tall to me.) About... up to my hip? That's the size of a German Shephard I know, unless he's 3'8. (Might change a couple things. -_-")
Lol, blonde me just noticed the shortcuts to submiting. ^///^ Whoops.
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Lol, well I still think it's a cool bio :D
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Thank you. X3 Oh! Did you see the super moon on Saturday? It was when the moon was the closest to the earth and brighter than ever.
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Shyaaa I did. Unfortunatly i live in the northern hemisphere oso it wasn't as big -_-
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Cool character! I'd hate to see your character ever meet my 'Elder God' character. It seems like it'd be a sight to behold. Lol.
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Lol. Hallucination, It would Indeed. To tell the truth I think both of your characters would be generally equal opponents in combat all though the turn out is impossible to tell :P Anyway Yes awesome bio I love it. It's very well organized and thought out. ^^ Well done.
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Lol, I dunno. ^^" I guess experience will tell? Who knows, they may even be allies. You can never tell with things such as that. ^^
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She has some good characteristics, but she seems a little bland personality-wise. That usually changes with roleplay, though.
There are a lot of things that are... Off. They make her seem like a Mary Sue, mostly in her powers.
1. Can walk on water.
Make sense if she's light/if the rest of her species can. Since the species is your own, you can do that.
2. She can turn any surface jet black, including the water, with each step she takes (this curses anyone who walks over it).
Pretty neat, but why? There isn't really a reason why she has this. Is she cursed?
3. She can make a barrier of crow feathers as a defense, as well as make it rain blood and crow feathers.
Crow-feather defense is pretty neat, but raining blood and crow feathers? Don't you think that's a little over-powered? It's too god-like to control any kind of weather.
4. Her eyes change colors to show her emotion.
This is THE widest used trait among Mary Sues. There's no reason for it, and it's generally not a good idea.
5. She can throw her voice into a screech mixed with a roar, which is deafening.
This makes sense, since they're half bird.
6. She can heal using the crow feathers.
This also makes sense, since it goes with the general motif of her powers.
There are other things that seem really off, like how she killed her sister for apparently no reason, yet she's helpful and kind? That's extremely contradictory, and often cliche.
Another one of the biggest things is that you describe her howl as "beautiful" and that it can "melt even the coldest hearts." Beauty is subjective, so you're trying to make her perfect in a way, trying to say how she's never unlikable.
As thought-out as she is, she needs a little more work on originality. I apologize ahead of time if I offended you, but critiques are critiques and I thought her bio needed a bit of help.
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@ Galiou: Ok, that is fine. May I explain, however?
Her eyes show her emotion, because she has a hard time expressing it herself.
She killed her sister, because she has a darker side that comes out at the most random of times, especially because of witnessing that sister she killed drown the baby sister. But she is still kind, when she's not all... how to put this, without cussing? Ticked off.
The raining blood is because when birds fly while molting, it starts to rain blood. It's practically a figure of speech. It's a sign of anger, where she's from. The kind of feathers that's from the bird you're named after rains (figuratively) as well as their malting feathers.
The jet black water is because of her darker side. It tends to leak out into the world as it seethes and breathes within her head. It's also a defense/attack.
Her character is as "original" as it gets, because she's of my own design, as well as her species. Her powers are centered around the character of the Crow, and she's trying to live against the name.
Her howl is regular, it just seems like she's singing. (Yet, another figurative prospect.) She was actually unlikeable by her mother, because she wasn't as brightly colored as the Macaw.
Critiques can also see through the figurative objects.
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Hmm.
There still isn't a reason for her eyes to change in color.
Also, darker sides are very cliche. Is she cursed? It would make a little more sense if you went in-depth on why she has a darker side.
It seemed more literal when you were referring to it raining blood. If you had say "like it was raining blood" it would be figurative. She can express her anger in other ways, such as stomping or screeching.
This is true, you can do whatever you want with a character, but if you're roleplaying with other people your character shouldn't try to be everything everyone likes or try to have all this power to outshine them. The best part about making a character is trying to find something that not a lot of people have done before or trying to warp around something cliche and make it interesting.
Mary Sue traits always make a character bland.
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Her darker side, I should have said, is more over a second personality. It represents myself, being one of many bearer of multiple personalities. I put my own (soul and/or heart, whichever comes first) into my stories and RPs.
I... am through discussing. I mean, I know she's bland, but that is her character, and how I chose her to be. I never change it just because 1 person finds it completely wrong/off.
Everything I write has a purpose in my own little story, if you don't understand some of it, that is fine. I won't force you to. I base my characters off of original designs, and I'm proud of what I see, and proud of what I hear people tell me about what I write, may it be extremely kind or criticism.
It's my story, er... Crow's story in this case... I can write it, and make my characters as bland and emotionless as I please. That's what I'm sticking to, believe it or not. Like I stated before, I NEVER change characters just because one person doesn't understand the role they play.
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I luv it
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Galiou, so perfect eh ;)