FeralHeart Creations => Stories => FeralHeart Media => Poems => Topic started by: Smiling.Sin on May 09, 2013, 08:18:20 pm
Title: Sin wrote a song
Post by: Smiling.Sin on May 09, 2013, 08:18:20 pm
Title: Re: Sin wrote a song
Post by: FieldsForever on May 17, 2013, 02:23:49 am
It's a bit long, try cutting some things out. Also avoid writing do not, did not, and similar things to those. You want to shorten the phrases you can. Instead of I do not look at you, use, I don't look at you. It's less awkward. Overall it is somewhat hard to comprehend because there is so much and there really isn't a pattern or flow. I would also assume it to be slow as it seems to me this song is about someone who is having a hard time figuring out their place in the world, however, it could also be upbeat and brash. I really like these parts that start, "I'll promise myself" as well as "I promise you". Overall the first verse I liked, though the whole song needs to be shortened and could use more patterns. I know, it can be hard to cut things out, in the end it's worth it. After-that, mess about on the piano, or whatever you have handy, come up with something you can stick to it to help remember. Then again you could just use some audio program like Audacity. They're silly programs, but sometimes they are useful, usually just to edit things but you could make it work. If you come up with a little piece you should record it and share it here with all of us so we can have a better image of your song and feel what it's about. It's a start, good job and keep working on it.
Title: Re: Sin wrote a song
Post by: BouncyLion101 on May 17, 2013, 04:43:41 am
Really dark song..I like it. c: Reminds me of the heavy metal song I'm listening to.
Title: Re: Sin wrote a song
Post by: Smiling.Sin on May 18, 2013, 12:01:31 am
Thank you both for your input.
Title: Re: Sin wrote a song
Post by: Xcivo on June 18, 2013, 09:56:58 pm
Very Lovely :) even though it a bit dark i like it :D keep up the good work.
Title: Re: Sin wrote a song
Post by: Vespian on June 19, 2013, 03:08:35 am
Tis' a beautiful poem you've created Sin. It's rather dark and emotional, which only makes it even more interesting in my opinion.
Title: Re: Sin wrote a song
Post by: Smiling.Sin on June 19, 2013, 07:01:03 pm
lD {Thought no one would look at this.} Thank chu all! <3 I make dark songs and things... often.
Title: Re: Sin wrote a song
Post by: Ex0rcist on June 19, 2013, 07:10:37 pm
That is very well done. I enjoy dark and emotional things such as this, and I hope to see what moar you may have thought up of. Very beautiful indeed.