Community => Introduction => Member Bio & Journals => Topic started by: gold feathers on August 23, 2014, 08:10:40 pm
Title: Crystal's Diary~[updated=Bi-polar]
Post by: gold feathers on August 23, 2014, 08:10:40 pm
13th September 2014~ I understand that there is a huge gap between my last entry but I have been having so little time to tend to Feral Heart or other sites that I couldn't have gotten around to do this sooner. I have a lot of coursework to catch up on such as textiles, art and my other subjects such as History and Geography. I am trying my best to get the best grades that I can, so far I am doing quite well in textiles and art but I want an A* not a B (which I am currently working at). As you see, I am overloaded with work, I get back from school and have 3 homework pieces to do for the next day... exhausting and ridiculous, but I guess I am at a fragile point in my year (yr 11), with my second mock exams coming up and my real ones which will get me to college or sixth form, I have tons of work that I need to keep top notch on. So the likelihood is that you won't find me lingering about anymore.
Luring away from school, my health has been getting worse. I have been getting extremely painful, breath taking heartburns and I cannot go up the stairs without feeling like collapsing. Recently I was going up the stairs with my friend and when I reached the top, my heart was pounding and I felt nauseous and lightheaded, I felt like I was going to collapse as I couldn't catch my breath. So eh, I need to eat more and have a healthier diet, eh?
Problem is, I cannot eat, I feel sick when I see food... And when I finally turn hungry, I eat the smallest amount possible. I am underweight and I am thinner than the average female, still I fear the visit to the doctor's haha. Any who, my family suspect that I am anemic or even worse, anorexic so that's great news... not :/ ---- On a rougher note, I am more than likely to have bi-polar. I have been having very depressing moments and then skipping to a maniacal happiness, where I act excited, over nothing. When I settle I begin to feel the worst feeling of loneliness and I cannot stand the depressing thoughts that go on in my head. My family, friends and psychiatrist all said that my behaviour indicates that I have bi-polar. But I think it hasn't developed as much seeing as I lead an overall average life, with a bit more "wow" in there. At least it makes me stand out, right? Ah no, I hate being center of attention so Imma shut up now, bye <3
25th August 2014~
I have been trying; I promise I have given all I ever had, but my defenses are running low and I feel too weak to carry on. I just can't take it anymore.
I have been feeling depressed and uneasy for quite a few weeks now.. But this morning, I went online and with a glance at what I received, dread filled me up. For the first time in quite a few months I felt devastated. Why? Because I have not only been once again verbally abused but the words were burnt into the screen, filled with hatred. The person has decided to threaten me... It brings me to the point where I just cannot go any further. My life has been messed up by two people who enjoy taking out their hurt on others. And whilst I want to name them and paste the message that one of them sent me this morning, I shall refrain from doing so. Why? Because I am not as sadistic as they are. I don't receive pleasure from hurting others.
The past few messages have brought me to the edge of despair; all the hatred is thrown at me, I feel alone and helpless. I cannot continue like this. I want to cry yet I want to look strong; I am shattered, absolutely shattered.....
Yet somehow I have to carry on; without a family, but I shall try to stay strong. If you indeed want to find out who said what then please message me. I shall tell you the story :-( For now I need a helping hand who can reach out and pull me out from this abyss that I lost myself in.
24th August 2014~
So I have not been feeling quite well today. Over the last 4 weeks I have been experiencing symptoms similar to that of a chest infection. I have constantly woken up at around 3 to 4 in the morning and have been having difficulty going back to sleep. I have been constantly tormented by my severe cough and a couple of weeks ago, despite my fears, I visited a doctor, yet he insisted it was just a cold.
So today, I woke up around 4: 37 due to having difficulties breathing and coughing constantly. I tried going back to sleep but after a failed attempt I took my phone and began listening to music. Well, it seemed to have worked... Only not the way I thought it would. I began feeling faint and uneasy; before fainting, twice.
I hope this eases off soon as I cannot go on forever with this condition.
23rd August 2014~
I have been doing some redecorating around the house; repainting the walls, door frames and doors themselves. It feels nice to have the house look cleaner once in a while, right? Well this has been taking up most of my time. That, and the fact that my cat has 9 kittens. Ah, still excited to be waking up in the morning and seeing them all cuddled up. Sorry I haven't sent any pictures of them. They look adorable!
Recently, one of my cats had a little accident; the vet has told me that it was a bite from another cat, although I don't quite get how it could have bitten the inside of the mouth.. Still. That was quite an expense we had there, as he had to have antibiotics injected and had to have the lump removed. The single fact that I had to get the cat to the vet, wait around and take it back was quite time taking but oh well, I have my buddy fit and well c:
Enough about cats; I am starting school in 2 weeks time and I really need to bring in a book art for my art lesson on the first day back. It is quite frustrating because I have been trying to combine "burning", "ripping" and drawing all into one to create a vision from the song "Diary of Jane by Breaking Benjamin"... Gettit? Cause its a book? Never mind, I would appreciate any ideas; just please be reasonable, I am not much of a book sculptor.
Now, I have also recently closed down my game only to reopen it and hand over the Ownership. It is in great hands so that settles the arguments and flaming. I am sure that Jay, the new leader will be very much loved and valued! good luck Jay ;-) And on the topic of IT servers; Impressive Ruins is finally in Staff-testing. Just minor bugs and glitches are being fixed right now; whilst taking breaks and messing around with the staff powers a little. Nothing is getting out of hand; i fact I have been congratulated on having an organized forum which I am proud of. It would make my day if you guys could join Impressive Ruins (http://impressiveruins.boards.net/), as I love new members!
Now, hopefully I will be more active over the next few days; both in-game and forums! c: (and I'll update this wit pictures of the kittens soon!)
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~
Post by: FullFeralMetal on August 23, 2014, 08:12:38 pm
F U L L F E R A L M E T A L
Well, well. It seems that we are in the same position -- with the redecorating, I mean.
As for the game, it sounds interesting and all I had to see was the name to know that. -LeClicksToJoin-
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~
Post by: gold feathers on August 23, 2014, 08:30:42 pm
Well, well. It seems that we are in the same position -- with the redecorating, I mean.
As for the game, it sounds interesting and all I had to see was the name to know that. -LeClicksToJoin-
Ah nice to know there is someone out there, taking their time to renew those old corners in their house c: And thank you, I had to plan out quite a lot when I decided to make the game/forums. *PerksEarsAndWatchesFloofehJoin* Thankyew! Have fun c:
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~
Post by: FullFeralMetal on August 23, 2014, 08:39:44 pm
F U L L F E R A L M E T A L
Well it is my first house after all, so I like to keep it in shape.
As for the forum, I clicked on it and it went to the Proboards Angry Bear... Rawr. So what now?
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~
Post by: gold feathers on August 23, 2014, 11:14:07 pm
Ah yes, I feel ya~ Ooh the angry bear rather annoys me at times. Go to this link --> http://impressive-ruins.boards.net/ (http://impressive-ruins.boards.net/)
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~
Post by: gold feathers on August 24, 2014, 02:38:07 pm
Updated!
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=I feel devastated]
Post by: FullFeralMetal on August 25, 2014, 12:02:47 pm
F U L L F E R A L M E T A L
That's it. -BuffsUp- Where are the ones who are sending you bad messages? I'll pull their heads off and shove it down their throats.. too much? Eh.
Anyhow, don't let words on a computer bother you lass. Honestly, the only reason people do that on a computer/phone/etc is because they like to hide behind a screen. If they really have to do that, then what kind of people are they? .. Well, stupid people. -- Nice comeback right? --
Cheer up and if you need to talk about anything then I'm open to listen.
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=I feel devastated]
Post by: gold feathers on August 25, 2014, 02:19:06 pm
Aw, you made me laugh quite a bit, hun c: I really do appreciate your comment as it has brightened up my day a little. You are right, people take things too far only because the screen is like a shield to them and they know that as far as they stay on the internet behind a mask, nothing will happen to them (apart from the occasional ban)
-That comeback though- Feisty one you are c; And thank you once again for the support c:
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=I feel devastated]
Post by: FullFeralMetal on August 25, 2014, 02:28:35 pm
F U L L F E R A L M E T A L
Just knowing it brightened your day is satisfying to me. :D Seriously, don't sweat other people and 'twas my pleasure to help. Feisty is what you get when you push someone's buttons. x'3
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=I feel devastated]
Post by: gold feathers on August 25, 2014, 02:31:17 pm
I shall follow that suggestion c: And I shall remember not to push anyone's.... buttons.... ;-') (as odd as it sounds)
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=I feel devastated]
Post by: FullFeralMetal on August 25, 2014, 02:43:59 pm
F U L L F E R A L M E T A L
Peanut Butter is odd too. o.e' Alas, we all eat it.
Now, how about we update that bio from "I feel devastated" to "I feel cheered up". ^-^
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=I feel devastated]
Post by: Chunky_Squirrel on August 25, 2014, 05:35:08 pm
Have you tried meditating? Try it, you'll feel better. I have meditated before, and I feel like a new born. If you need some advice on how to meditate if you haven't before, PM me and I'll help you! ^.^
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=I feel devastated]
Post by: Kastilla on August 25, 2014, 08:19:12 pm
Aw, Crystal. I feel so bad - I know how it feels to be threatened on the internet/cyberbullied. I actually still am, but that's beside the point. I have been there, the lowest point in my life, the feeling that there is nothing left, the feeling that is just terrible. It consumes your mind, it makes you feel like that is normal. I still visit the God darn place once in a while, but I try to avoid it as best I can - even if it doesn't work out the way I planned. As for the bullying, please tell someone, it doesn't matter who they are or where they are. Report them, block them, anything to get them ignored. It's good you're writing it - a wondeful coping skill. Also, if you ever need to talk to someone, you may PM me. Stay strong, dearie~
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=I feel devastated]
Post by: Shenidan on August 26, 2014, 11:03:01 am
Im sorry youre devastated, But sometimes, life is hard and you gotta take those challenges, dear. Once youre done with it, there will be hope for you Im sure, Stay strong!
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=I feel devastated]
Post by: gold feathers on August 26, 2014, 04:27:54 pm
Thanks guys, your comments really do make me feel better. However, even after posting the thread yesterday I received a very abusive message. This time, quite a few people saw it as well since it was on my forum Shoutbox (somewhat like a public chat).
I am trying to ignore them and I have reported the messages; let's just hope that it gets sorted soon. Once again thanks guys.
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=Bi-polar]
Post by: gold feathers on September 14, 2014, 06:57:15 pm
updated c:
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=Bi-polar]
Post by: WolfQueen on September 14, 2014, 07:34:28 pm
text removed
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=Bi-polar]
Post by: Kastilla on September 14, 2014, 09:48:33 pm
Aw, I am so sorry, ma cherie. I have been diagnosed with a lot of things that I am not proud of at all. But, you can live with it, I guess. I am the same way with food so I know how you feel. :x
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=Bi-polar]
Post by: gold feathers on September 17, 2014, 04:47:47 pm
Thank you for understanding, yeah for the past few days I have been quite hyper and obviously that makes me look like an actual fool. I am just awaiting warily the moment when too much "hyperness" will bring me to my knees.
I am glad to have people supporting me through this and well, what can I say, it means a lot. And ell, I suspect eating disorders, I believe they are quite common in young people (female teens mostly) Wolfie Okami :/ hopefully though it will settle when we're older, right?
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=Bi-polar]
Post by: Kastilla on September 17, 2014, 09:04:04 pm
I hope so. :c I get hyper like that too. Sometimes it gets so bad I get ... Psychotic thoughts. It's bad when I am in Gym class and that's near my crush so I completely shut down until someone gets me irritated then I get a pychotic-like anger. :x
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=Bi-polar]
Post by: wolf48877 on September 18, 2014, 05:13:58 am
~Fluffs up~ NUBODY SHALL SEND U BAD MESSAGES ANYMORE, IF I CATCH EM IMA TEAR EM A NEW ONE! to much? No..little more? Sure... TO THOSE PPL WHO ARE SENDING HER BAD MESSAGES...BEWARE BEFORE I FIND OUT..CAUSE WHEN I DO UR GONNA GET AN EAR FULL. caps was worth it...
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=Bi-polar]
Post by: gold feathers on September 18, 2014, 08:08:14 pm
Aw hun, thank you for sticking up for me, means a lot. Such a floofy thing for you to do xD She is a Floofy yet Fierce Floof c: ----
Just a little update, I guess I didn't have to wait long for my depressive mood to kick in? I burst out crying today for no apparent reason. I honestly don't know what even caused such behaviour or what even triggered to burst. Oh well, I feel much better at the moment.
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=Bi-polar]
Post by: wolf48877 on September 19, 2014, 12:22:19 am
Aw hun, thank you for sticking up for me, means a lot. Such a floofy thing for you to do xD She is a Floofy yet Fierce Floof c: ----
Just a little update, I guess I didn't have to wait long for my depressive mood to kick in? I burst out crying today for no apparent reason. I honestly don't know what even caused such behaviour or what even triggered to burst. Oh well, I feel much better at the moment.
. Ahh the weird outbursts...yea I know wut triggered that O.o, usually when you haven't cried in awhile, or have a built up so much stress and feelings then ppl sorta...burst...its happened to me a few times and I always felt better afterwards, so if u burst into tears more, then umm...chu got alot of emotes built up in dere 0-0. ~calms fluff down~ I IS FLUFFEH YET FIERCE, DEY SHALL NEVA SEND CHU BAD MESSAGES, OR ELSE DEY GONNA GET IT BIG TIME. I MEAN RLLY BIG BIG BIG TIME...LIKE TEMPER TANTRUM BIG TIME, U GET IT...-gives cookies-
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=Bi-polar]
Post by: gold feathers on September 21, 2014, 03:11:35 pm
Ah seems like you know quite a lot about these. I indeed felt better afterwards and after a few days I felt happier so that's good I guess. And aww chu floofeh are fluffeh and fierce, +floof c: for giving me cookies :D
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=Bi-polar]
Post by: goldfeathers on September 24, 2014, 05:31:32 pm
Oh god, how come I never seen this? </3 :c
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=Bi-polar]
Post by: Senrova on September 24, 2014, 06:35:31 pm
Too bad she won`t be posting here anymore. I would've taught those people a lesson.
Title: Re: Crystal's Diary~[updated=Bi-polar]
Post by: Whisperingwaves on September 26, 2014, 01:50:28 am
Crystal...even though we had our ups and downs a little while back, I just wan't to say....thank you so much for being such a bright...joyful, and glowing person. You will always have a special place in my soul dear <3