Oop- oh dear X'3 For a beginner literate RPer you're doing great- you've got the concept of writing your posts out alright~ I personally am not one for RPing gore as often as some, but when I do- oh dear I get a little carried away X3
If you want any tips, I'd suggest trying to write it out as if you're trying to write a story. So, instead of the very casual; | *I jump at you and bite you* | you can flare it up and add detail such as; | Before lunching at the smaller canine, his eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared, catching the other canine's scent with ease. In a fit of uncontrollable rage and hunger, -name- dug his hind feet into the ground and pushed forward with all his strength, propelling him quickly towards the suspecting victim before parting his jaws so his jagged teeth could sink and tear into the other's skin. | Pff I got carried away there. But anywho, see how I flared things up there? I took all the actions from "I jump at you and bite you" but added in more detail and descriptions to make it sound, cooler, if you will. It just helps others when they read it to understand and see the character for themselves, as well as their actions and what they're doing =)
Ahh, you're improving! Great job! I can definitely see that you're trying to explain some more things, putting detail behind your actions. I could actually get a slight picture and image of what Greetus was doing~ The next step that I would suggest is what Wolvie has mention and explained. It helps set up the area and land so that you and the other player can get a general idea of where they are, and how their characters will act and react to an attack, and or attacking. I can type out an example if you'd like to have something to go off of =) Keep goin', you're doing great! x)