i... just can't... i'm tired of all this..

[CosmoFursi]

i'm sorry, i really tried... i really did.

i just can't handle this. everything in my life is going wrong. everyone hates dad, i'm the only one who actually loves him. dad left, everyone's fine with it but me. school started, i can't even do math without crying.

i'm just... tired.

tired of all this crap.

i can't focus on feralheart and do school, drums, all that other bullcrap.

i tried to be happy, i really did. i tried being hyper here, i tried to hide my depression. but i just can't.

my entire family hates dad, cause he's selfish. i know it's true, i saw him leave, i heard the story. i know he only wants attention for himself, i know he only cares for himself. but i know he can change. even if no one else does. i believe that everyone can be a good person, if they just try. my family, however, doesn't. they think he can't be helped. but i don't care, arright? i don't care that he's selfish, or a jerk. i don't care that he's been trying to manipulate us our whole lives. he's still my father.

i bet that makes me an idiot. oh well, i bet i am. but i still don't care. i can be an idiot, it doesn't matter to me. i just want dad to come back. i'm just an emotional volcano that's close to exploding... well, i finally did.

i finally told my mom how i feel. i finally broke down. i just couldn't keep it all in. i don't even know if she thinks i'm stupid and naive for believing dad can change. she probably does.

i just can't. i can't be here and be happy anymore. i'm more depressed than i've ever been. i'm sorry, everyone. i-i really tried. i'm just too tired to keep pretending.

and what's worse. the forums are at war, because of people who just want attention and fame. the war with the staff. the arguments. the lack of friendliness. and i can't handle that along with this. i already couldn't handle that... but now? it'll make me explode here on the forums. and i don't want people to think i'm a bad person. cause i'm not, i can assure you.

come on, guys... everyone on these forums are people... yes, it may seem like some of the staff members became mindless drones, but... who doesn't do that these days? they're all still people. and i don't understand... why you all hate them so much. sure, they lock threads where someone rants about how "bad the new update is" or how "mean and soulless the staff are", but the staff are still people. they still have lives... families... basic daily needs... they're still human.

i don't want to stay here with this war. i don't want to stay here, with the great risk of me exploding. that risk is growing every day, and now it'll just take a poke to make it burst. and i'm sorry.

i don't know when i'll be returning... i'm so, so sorry everyone. i tried to stay strong. and i'm sorry, yasamin, that we won't be able to make a music video together. i'm sorry,  arctic, that i can't hangout with you on the game threads. i'm sorry, everyone, that i'm broken so much.

i'm sorry.



"knock knock, who's there?
not my laughter.

i am drowning,
falling faster.

racing on the tracks,
the answers.

just another
shattered flower."

[SteampunkWolfdog]

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I do hope things improve for you soon, and that you'll feel alright to return. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Much love <3

[Enoki]

Oh Ferra, I'm so sorry to hear all of this. It really hurts me to see ye in pain, and I hate to see ye depressed. Y'er no idiot f'er loving y'er father, and don't keep thinking that. No one thinks y'er an idiot. I've watched ye grow into the smart, kind, funny, artistic young lass ye are t'day, and y'er one of the best floofs I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Y'er one of the purest members on FH, and I am so sad that y'er 'aving to go through all of this.

Families go through rough patches, and sadly some come to terms with it and just think of it as the norm. But ye showing that ye still care proves that ye can make a difference. Just give y'er folks some time and give 'em the support they need to mend. I can't say that y'er father will come back or that y'er family will f'ergive him, but y'er actions can create a better outcome, so don't lose hope.

Arguments will always happen- even in this wee community we call home. But, in all technicality, Feral-Heart is like one big family, and families will always argue - 'tis in the human nature - no matter how tight-knit they are. What matters is how we solve them and give them closure. We may not always see eye to eye or agree on everything, but we can still compromise and make the best of it. Our differences make us unique and putting those differences t'gether can make us a great team if we know how to put them to use.

Ye may feel broken, but just remember ye 'ave all y'er friends - here and in the outside world - and family to put ye back t'gether. I've always considered ye a friend and I will wait patiently, hoping that ye someday will return to FH.

I'm the meantime, if ye 'ave a Skype, feel free to add me @Enoki_G and m'door will be f'erever open.

[Reaper]

I am really sorry that you are going through these things. It can be tough that such a friendly floof like you have to go through all these struggles. You deserve to be happy. Depression can be hard to live with too. Things will get better for you. I promise. It may seem like it won't, but it will. I hope you and your family will hopefully make up and be happy again. I had to go through a similar situation like yours before, but it all worked out. Anyways take all the breaks you need and relax. Try not thinking about all the situations you are in right now. I know it can be stressful, but if you try to take it out of your mind then you won't feel as pressured as you were before. I hope you feel better and I wish you good luck. <3 When you return we will welcome you with open arms. <3

I also agree about how people treat each other on the forums. It is upsetting to see people never getting along and always bashing the staff when they are only trying to help. I hope all this hostileness will come to a end.

[Nak3dAng3l]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_GHuEKffQ4

i believe you should see a shrink for your problems, and be honest with them. that's the first step to recovering from depression. open up, and don't be afraid to believe in what you put your full passion into; especially your father.

cheers and good luck from a stalkerish ghost on the forums,
box.

[palmknife]

Oh my gosh..
I feel so sorry about your problems and your family.

However, there are alot of bad things in the world, like yours, there is an one way, standing that.
I don't think you are an idiot, my dad is being jerk and selfish sometimes too, but then he's being sorry.
I hope your family changes, take care of yourself, have a great time with your everything.

Also I agree to Rose, FeralHeart is our second home here, which contains hapiness and respect.

All of us are still friends with you.
Wishing none will make you sad, wishing your family will be alright, wishing everything will go right.

Cheers, Tiffany.

[Kynvuu]

I'm so sorry to hear that you have to go through this. I know it seems very rough at them moment, but don't lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel. Things will get better, even if it doesn't quite feel like it now. Just be strong and believe in yourself, and I assure you that you can get past this sadness. Please do take care of yourself. You are the most important thing to yourself, so don't let yourself down, eh? I wish you the best of luck and happiness, and I hope that things get straightened out for you soon. Until then, take care and farewell<3  Thanks for all your work here in the community, you'll always be much appreciated.

[iCharlez]

I'm sorry you have to go through that.

And you shouldn't hide your depression. All it will do is get worse. Talk to someone. Go talk to a psychiatrist. It's not going to be easy, I know from experience, but it will help!
Tears will be involved, but a psychiatrist is not there to hurt or judge you, that's something that look me a while to learn.


--------------


I hope things get better for you soon!

[Morgra]

Aww i'm sorry to hear about this. But don't feel like you should hide it any longer

I have depression too and for the longest time I was seeing a therapist, I'd recommend talking to your parents about that possibility.

Family troubles are tough. Reading through what you were saying reminds me of what I've been going through. Don't feel like you're alone, or that any of it is your fault, it really isn't. I blamed myself for years. You shouldn't blame yourself for seeing the best in your dad and thinking he can get better, a lot of people do get better, and it's unfair to think that he could never get better. Your thoughts are in the right place, it's just hard to deal with them right now I'm sure. Hug Pisces tight

Wishing the best for you Fire!

[amythealpha]

I'm really sorry you had to go through this ;w; I would say more, but I think others have summed it up nicely. *hugglez* I wish for the best for you and your entire family.