another FH creepypasta ((FINISHED))

[silverwolf120]

This probably won't be that scary. But meh at least I attempted a creepypasta. Tell me what you think. NOW ON TO THE STORY!!! *walks to the story* GORE WARNING also.

    I had just finished reading one of the many and on going Jeff The Killer creepypasta' s when I decided to play Feral Heart. I opened the game and logged in. Everything seemed normal well at least I thought it had I guess I would've noticed the eerie start background eventually but first logging in I didn't. I got logged in and got taken to Character selection.That's when I noticed some one had retextured the water in game to look like hyper realistic blood. That wasn't what scared me as I knew my brother was good at that and I just assumed he had done it. I decided I was going to pick a character to go to fluorite plains so I checked the forums to see how crowded it was as it was 4 in the afternoon. Strange as I went to the side to see the maps Fluorite plains wasn't even there. It had every map except Fluorite. Shrugging this off I went back to my game to find a character. But I checked the forums again and looked at the maps just incase I had missed Fluorite but nope it wasn't there and it claimed every map had 0 characters in them all except Bonfire, Bonfire it claimed had one character. That confused me. I looked at the top left of the forums to see the game server was offline. But how I am in game I thought. Going back to Character selection in the game I finally realized the biggest creepiest thing. The selector was stuck on my demon character Jase. It never started on him though, and someone had retextured him he now looked realistic...as if he was real. I wanted to close the game this was all to freaky now but it wouldn't close. I tried moving the selector but it stayed on Jase as if saying you will pick me. I hadn't even realized his emote changed. In stead of a subtle frown it was a Smirk. I finally gave in and selected Jase when I started in game I was automatically in Bonfire but Jase had been in Sky's Rim. Bonfire had been changed too. It had Hyper realistic blood splatters every where. As if something killed everyone in game. I turned Jase to go out of Bonfire but he wouldn't budge I tried clicking to make the arrow appear and have him move to it and even tried using W. Nothing worked eventually I just had him stare at the portal. I F3ed around the map but suddenly it just had me F3 Jases Face. His face had a worried expression as he still looked at the portal. I hit F4 and looked away from the portal and saw the only other person. It was a neon Lion and just like Jase it looked all to realistic it hyper realistic blood was on its paws and face It had the snarl emote as it stared at my character. I went to type in the chat box but someone whispered me Don't move. Or type the person had said and obviously I didn't. I didn't move Jase or make him say anything. Soon a new message popped from the same person You shouldn't be here when the server's down. I wanted to scream at them saying I just wanna leave the game anyway but I stuck to what they said. No Typing. Jase still had a worried expression. In the chat there was a new message from the lion. Your in the wrong place at the wrong time. is what the lions message read Soon I gave in and typed out a message I just wanna leave anyways!!! I had messaged. The lions expression changed to a smirk. Well we can't have that now can we. I wouldn't want you blabbing about what happens when the servers down would I?" The lion replied my screen went static like in slender games when you run into Slendy. When the static cleared I was in Sky's rim and just like bonfire it had hyper realistic blood splatters wings fallen trees. It looked like a war zone. And there was Jase and The lion again both looking way to realistic. But there was another character that also looked realistic but it looked like it had been murdered It had hyper realistic bloody scratches and cuts pieces of it's flesh was missing and it's tail and an ear had been ripped off and it lay sadly in a pool of blood. The lion was looking at it then looked to Jase. I hurt your little friend trying to save your sorry rearend. You should've listened when she said not to talk. The lion messaged How do you know she told me not to speak? I asked I was freaking out now. The lion didn't answer You know to much of what I do now I'll just have to hurt you just like your little friend. The lion said. Soon my game screen went black and the computer shut down and started smoking. There were heavy paw steps coming up the hall. I hid under the bed. The paw steps got louder as they neared my room. "Oh Jase!" Someone or something called. The paw steps got louder and louder Oh no I thought soon I saw him The neon lion was right in my door way. It looked around my room. "I know your here!" The lion yelled. I looked under my bed for anything to hit him with. He walked closer to my bed leaving bloody paw steps with each step. I couldn't find anything to hit him with. I knew I was done for. But wait a second...why...why do I have paws? I finally realized when the lion came out of the game I must've been turned to Jase...But wait I...I'm not in my room anymore. I'm back in Bonfire. But this isn't possible. The neon lion looked at me I got up and ran. The neon lion smirked "You can run. But you can't hide!" the lion yelled at me as I ran to Bonfire' s portal. I went through it. Ficho was the worst so far the tunnel had rotting carcasses severed limbs blood was everywhere and it wasn't hyper realistic... it was real. Bones laid everywhere. The stench was horrid I ran through Ficho tunnel and got to the water. It was blood. I had no choice but to swim to lonely caves portal. When I got to Lonely cave I thought I was safe. I was wrong. The lion came through the cave  "just leave me alone!" I shrieked backing up . The lion snarled "Why would I do that? You shouldn't be here." the lion said walking forwards I looked around  for a moment and then dashed out of the giant cave and began running up the path to the ascension portal. When I reached the platforms you jump on I looked behind me. The lion was gaining on me  I  began jumping from platform to platform until I got to the portal. I jumped through it just as the lion reached the portals platform. I didn't even wait to see if the lion was following or not I just dashed to the partway to make my way up the stones to sky's rim. I heard the lions angry roar  as I began jumping from platform to platform to get to Sky's rim "Just Give up already!" I heard the lion say as I continued my way up. I was always three blocks ahead of the lion and I wasn't about to get distracted. I was almost to the rings then I slipped. What happened then I don't know. I remember waking up in the hospital My parents were there  and so was my friend Emily holding a neon lion plushie. I screamed seeing it and everyone looked at me. "What's wrong?"My mother asked frantically I only pointed at the plushie. My friend looked at it "oh you mean this? I brought it to you as a get well gift." She said I blinked. "W-what happened? Why am I in the hospital?"  I asked them "we found you passed out in your room by your computer you've been in a coma for a month."My father answered "A month!?"I screamed. A nurse came into the room and ushered everyone out Emily left the plushie with me. When the nurse left I started choking the neon lion "this is your fault it's all your fault!"I hissed and threw it across the room into a window It hit the window and lay there limply just like a normal plushie. I sighed. The next day I got to go home and I never played Feral heart alone in my room again I also never played without checking the forums first.

[hugrf2]

Holy crap, this is getting pretty scary. Continue it, I like it! ^^ It's starting to freak me out, lol.
Jase is so evil... *waits for an update to see what happens next*

[silverwolf120]

Hmm reading all dem creepypasta's in Florida really paid off XD Thankies I'm really not even trying.

[DovahKovu]

HYPER REALISTIC BLOOD

[hugrf2]

Omg, the rest is awesome! I can't wait for more. Good luck with your writers block, lol.

[silverwolf120]

Thanks I actually don't have writers block. I just dun wanna finish the story fast. XD

[Vespian]

Gah, curse you writer's block. I must read more! Lovely story you've thought up of. I like the eerie and ominous vibe you've weaved into it. I'll be stalking this thread to view more once it's updated.

[silverwolf120]

Thanks Vespian.

[hugrf2]

Just realized it was updated. Y u no tell me? :U I love it so much still! Keep it up bro.

[PuppyChef]

<sub>I'm just gonna, leave this here. This is a serious thing right?
Don't take this the wrong way, or anything, just some tips to make it a little better.

I skimmed through the story. It was a bit hard to understand with lack of commas and other punctuation. Also, not every good creepypasta story has to have "hyper realistic blood." (Which just leads me to think this is a troll story. Because I really am not entirely sure. Call me dumb if it is.) Or blood at all, really. It takes the feeling out of the story. Just look at the BEN DROWNED story, as I assume you've seen the videos or read the story. From what I remember it didn't have any blood.
Someone named YuriOfWind on youtube does these kinds of Creepypasta reviews, and he points out every small detail that breaks the story.

Again, don't take it personally. I love CreepyPastas, and I'd like to see what potential this story has, even if it's your first attempt. These are just some small tips. Sorry. UvU;;

Happy writing.</sub>