Wolved (Chapter 1,2,3)UPDATE

[unnbrellas]

Thanks a bunch

[unnbrellas]

Upadate!

[OreoHeroz]

ehehe this is really creative and interesting! It kept me wanting to read it and finish it. However, I spotted something I thought I would tell you.

She was sitting next to James' father, but as James entered she stood and came to face James. She looked him over, and she seemed to be trying to find something. He stood there nervously and glanced at his parents. His mother gave a half-hearted smile.

"Hold out your arm." She said. She took his arm, and inspected it. "Next." she said. He held out his right arm. She inspected his arm again, and this time see seemed to find what she was looking for. She was looking closely at his scar.

The lightblue-colored words are the mom who did an action towards her son. The red-colored words are pointing out a brisk mistake. Here is what it seems like to the reader:

...His mother gave him a half-hearted smile.

"Hold out your arm." His mother said.

Do you get what I am saying? It seems to the reader that the mother is telling James to hold out his arm, since there is no clarification of who is speaking. I would suggest instead of putting "she", you could put "the girl" or something. Just a suggestion. Otherwise, love the story!

[unnbrellas]

 Thank you!^^ I'll be sure to fix that next edit.... glad chu liked it!

[Chunky_Squirrel]

Very intresting.
Abit mispelled words as other's stated, but good. ^.^
Your even berrar then me....... ;-;

[unnbrellas]

Thank you hackers <3

And you needn't be so hard on yourself, I always see you putting yourself down needless and it makes me sad! You need to have pride in your work Hun, and know its great! Your improving with your art, and while I haven't read your writing, but IM 100% Its amazing! <33

[DungeonSiegeWolf]

I really like this, I hope to see more :3

[unnbrellas]

Thanks!

[unnbrellas]

I fixed some consistency spelling and grammer errors in the first half of this- more will be added soon!