The year is going to change in almost a day. A new year. 2015. Wow. This year went by fast, did it?
I always was pretty excited for the new year. Those countdowns they did on the news channels always excited me. You just got to watch them count down the seconds to the new year. Call me strange, but I'm fascinated to witness the recognition of the last seconds of the old year. Like, just a few seconds before a new year starts! A new year to experience! A new year to witness the new things that will be possibly coming within the new year! May it be a new technological device, a new discovery in astronomy or biology, a new panda cub or elephant calf born in the San Diego Zoo, possibly even an attempt to improve yourself, maybe in art, school, or even your own life.
To be honest, I have been kinda scared of the new possible things that will be coming in the new year. I mean, yeah, new things. New things to experience. I've been interested in newly discovered technology or a newly discovered astronomic or biological things. I like to see the human race improve in what we created and in what we study or look forward into. But what I'm scared of is a possible something that will come up and change our way of living or my way of thought. I'm not a person for sudden change. What if my temperament worsens, or the change took a turn for the worst for the community? idk, this may be just all in my head. It's a problem of mine, I often make things harder for myself because I think of all of the worst possibilities. I probably watched too much disaster movies for my sensitive mind to handle.
As for this old year, 2014, well, it was.... stressful. I started to realize what people thought of me, what people really think of me as a human being. I have been through a bunch of toxic people that have controlled my life in one of the worst ways I can think of. Those people really had permanently damaged my emotional wall, making it unstable. I just witnessed another abandonment by a so-called "friend" I tried to make at the beginning of the school year. Being in high school means some big stuff, and I have to make friends in order to be accepted in the bare minimum. Without friends, I know people will still think of me as some "gross loner" like my age group thought since a few years back, and I have been trying so hard to avoid that. So hard, that I let horrible people take control of my life and feelings, thus completely destroying me and making me more anxious and paranoid as before. Ugh, I can't even hold friendships now without getting frustrated and paranoid and later pushing them away. People don't like me because of my struggles. I guess I just have to live with it; go through the pressure people have gave me and will give me in the future. It's difficult to overcome how sensitive I can be, but I just go along, doing my schoolwork like I need to, getting or making my daily needs, stuff like that. It gets boring and lonesome after awhile, but it's what I have to live with for now and possibly my whole life. Overall, 2014 has been a year when I learned about some things that affected my mind in some way.
I really hope my 2015 would be my year that my effort of improving my social life would actually become effective, but I have been trying for a few years and idk if it will take some more or the next year will be it.
Oh rats, this turned into some emo-sounding vent. I'm sorry about that. tbh I don't have anywhere else that I feel conformable letting my frustrations out, and this kinda was thrown up as I typed this. Well, you can discuss something about your year and what you believe is going to happen in the new year. Just, don't try not to throw a huge pity party or explain the depressing things in your life too personally or in too much detail. I don't want to see the overall joyfull, lax community all upset, thus creating some tension.
If this needs some locking, you can do so.
