.:Nameless:. ((WIP))

[LuinLasse]

.:Nameless:.

_____Silence reigned upon the fog-shrouded clearing. A dark pool reflected the moonlight above like a mirror, the water's smooth surface dappled with countless stars. Slight breezes whispered quietly through the leafy trees, murmuring of times past and of those to come.
_____A muffled sound broke the quietness, and a brief glimmer of brilliant white moved into view of the clearing in the forest. The same, soft noise brought four slender legs supporting an elegant horse's body into the space. The creature's graceful, arching neck lifted its delicate face. The glittering forelock draped in waves about the mare's eyes, and right from the center of the forehead stood a perfect horn; a spiral of silver wrapped itself around the ivory prominence, looking as if a thin trail of molten metal had been traced around it and been left to harden.
_____Unicorns were a rare occurrence in this land, the belief being that there are less than ten in existence. Each had an aura of light surrounding them, but none were as bright as this particular female.
_____She tossed her head once before moving to the pool in the center of the opening, her long tail flicking gently about her hind legs. The bright unicorn lowered her muzzle to drink. When her velvet-soft lips touched the surface, a single ripple moved outwards across it. Nothing more disturbed the silence. The unicorn's coat had a radiance that lit up a small area around her with a steady, misty light.
_____A tiny twig-crack alerted her, and she abruptly lifted her head, glancing about warily. Some strange scent assailed her sensitive nostrils instantly, and she tensed.
_____As suddenly as she had appeared in the clearing, her beautiful light went out and all went dark.

_____"She's worth ten times that much. A hundred times! I want at least double her weight in gold!"
_____An obnoxiously loud voice entered the unicorn's dreams and woke her from the sleep-dark land of her mind. She lifted her dizzy skull and looked around with weary, confused eyes.
_____Powerful metal bars encircled her. A cage, she recalled to herself. Hoisting herself up on her thin legs, she stiffly shook her coat out. A layer of dusty grime flaked off of her, and she stamped a hoof. All eyes outside turned on her, and an expectant silence made the air heavy.
____Shaking her head and lowering her long lashes over her two dark eyes, she avoided any mental contact. Her powers pulsed within her horn at her awakening, feeling like static that yearned to reach out and bite into the humans' minds.
____"She's alive, see? Told you. I wouldn't bring a dead carcass here," the mean-looking, rotund man who had spoken before snarled, breaking the noiselessness. He had cast some bits of dirt at a group of filthy teenagers clustered together, each with a look of despise and slyness on their faces. "As I was saying, she'll only go to anyone who has enough gold worthy to pay for such a specimen!"
____The unicorn snorted as the last words created a din of shouting and quarreling. She couldn't help but using her powers to dim the sound from her ears. Her glowing coat shimmered brightly once and then went back to its thin aura of light.
____"I'll take her."
____These calm words hushed the crowds and stopped the multitudes of buyers lining up with gold, silver, jewelery, or anything they could find of worth, though most just held a few chickens or led a mule.
____"Y-y-your Majesty," the loud man stuttered, hastily bowing as low as his huge belly would allow him. His many rings and necklaces jingled as he moved. The throngs of people followed his lead, falling into a rushed silence.
____"She does not need to be sold like meat to barbarians," the wise-sounding voice continued. "She is a living creature and deserves a better place." He strode to the bulging man from his place in the midst of the crowd and dropped a handful of coins at his feet. "If you require gold, have that. You've enough to last the whole town for a year." He swiftly turned towards the cage as the crowds stood up slowly. His hands reached up to take the richly embroidered hood from his head.
____The unicorn lifted her eyes to meet his, and in the silence she knew he meant only goodness. She tilted her beautiful head and gazed at him wonderingly.
____"Come with me," he whispered gently, using a key he had somehow taken from the noisy man to unlock the door that held her captive. When the mare didn't move, he reached out a hand to her muzzle and softly stroked it reassuringly. "Come." He turned and eyed the crowd while striding forward a few steps. "Back to your duties, townsfolk. There's nothing more to see here."
____"And you," he said suddenly, turning to the unicorn's captor who was trying to move away quietly. "I expect you not to sell such beauty like worthless dirt."
____The unicorn serenely walked behind the man who had saved her from the smelly cage she'd been in. She kept her eyes on his back, trying to pick his scent out of the countless ones that mingled with it from the people scurrying around and the trash and sewage in the streets. Her silvery hooves seemed to not pick up any mess as she lightly stepped around the puddles. The man leading her moved smoothly through the streets of the city.
____Children stuck their faces out of thatch-roofed home windows, eyes wide in wonder and amazement that such a perfect horse was walking past their houses. Many screamed in joy and followed the unicorn, ignoring the royal appearance of her guide.
____They walked like this for hours, or so it seemed to the mare. Finally, they reached the outskirts of the town and broke onto a clean path paved with even, white stones. Here, the man stopped and turned to her, his stature tall and proud. He stared into her eyes for a long time, until she was forced to look away.
____This is odd... No human that I have met has such power or will. Who is he? The white unicorn lowered her head slightly, curling her neck back in an arch.
____"I know you can speak," the man said finally, sounding expectant.
____The unicorn couldn't help her tongue from moving to form human words. It was a strength of unicorns to know all languages, and she was no exception. "I thank you for saving me," she said weakly.
____Her guide chuckled, and then he laughed merrily. "That's all?" he asked humorously. "I expected a lecture from one such as yourself, Lady."
____"Lady?" The unicorn didn't like how the word rolled out of her mouth. She flicked her tail a little impatiently. "Who are you?" she inquired abruptly.
____"I can tell you as we walk." His mouth curved into a smile that seemed to capture the unicorn's eyes, but she forced her gaze away and up the path that they started up.
____"I'm the Prince of this kingdom, though it's not a very beautiful place. Not nearly as beautiful as yourself," he added, grinning as her pearly cheeks went a little pinkish. "My mother and father tend to let me roam around as a villager, though they wouldn't allow me any clothes less rich than these." He motioned to his navy blue cloak tasseled with silver thread.
____"There's not much to tell, other than that. We're just one of the small kingdoms around here... Well, I should stop using the term 'kingdom'... We're more like... a colony with a Lord." He chuckled with his strong voice.
____"Do you know anything about what happened to me?" the mare asked tentatively after a while. Her hooves clicked almost silently on the path they strode on. "I mean... Why was I in your town?"
____"You were poisoned by Mr. Sligold. That's what everyone calls him, since he insists he has no other name." He shrugged. "The poison has worn off by now, obviously. You'll be fine."
____The white unicorn stared at the ground as the walked. "Oh... And now I am marked as a piece of slop that he sells at his market...?"
____"Oh, no. You're more like the most precious jewel he has ever laid hands on." The handsome man held open a small gate blocking the path so that the unicorn could pass through without it slowing her down. "I leave you here. I believe these are the woods you came from," he stated, gesturing outwards towards the thick, peaceful trees that showered the ground with gold-green dapples as the sun glimmered through their leaves.
____"But you'll come back, I hope?" the unicorn questioned. The words came out of her mouth before she was aware of it, and she immediately blushed. "I mean, you must see me some day again, sir. I'm in debt to you, and I must always repay my debt." She half-smiled in thanks and began heading off into the forest.
____"Wait. Do you know of the Blue Falls?" When she nodded, he continued. "I'll meet you there in a month's time at night. Good bye." He tilted his head in farewell and lifted his hood over his face again. That was the last the mare saw of him for a long while, since he seemed to fade back into the green background he stood against. She sniffed in wonder and broke into a gentle trot that brought her under cover of her home; the forest.


For my later use:
5 of _ = indent
Two enters = New update on story


Feel free to comment! :3

[i1vet2b]

Nicely done! I do have a few critiques I hope you'll take well. In the beginning, you start off with a wonderful amount of detail. The images are very vivid and clear, but as more dialogue is added, you forget to bring in the imagery. In the town, what are the smells, the sights, the sounds? Is there a blacksmith pounding away at some piece of metal nearby? Are there horse-drawn carriages?

Also, how do unicorns speak? I mean, obviously it is a mythical creature, so it can do as you like, but I want to know if their lips move to form words of it the people around them hear what they want to be said through magic (if that made sense).

Delve more into why the man who saves her is worthy of any trust at all. She looks at him and knows there is only goodness. How? "Sweetest tongue hath sharpest tooth," in many experiences, so why is this one different?

I look forward to reading more!

Happy writing!