Feral Heart

I've been on Feral Heart for exactly 6 years. In that time I've gotten an experience I don't think I could ever top on another game. Which is why it pains me to say that while I plan being active on the forums and continue to make maps for people and test them (in game) I will be pretty much ceasing my involvement in the game aside map making. I've made so many friends here and I've had so many adventures. I just want to thank each and everyone of you (even those I don't know) for keeping this game alive as long as it did. Feral heart just like it's predecessor Impressive Title are something special as it has allowed so many people to experiment in ways they weren't ever before in other games whether it be roleplay or purely social. However, after but soul searching with myself I've also come to realize that my time on the game had also contributed to self destructive tendencies and nerve wracking situations. I am distancing myself not because I entirely want to but because I am not willing to allow myself to fall back into it until I am sure that I will be able to pull away when it is needed. Although the drama I have encountered has somewhat passed it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and I wish to take some time to wash it out. So do not take this as a farewell! Just a see you later 

I know roleplay relationships don't exactly last forever and more than likely the person goes inactive and the roleplay just seems to move on from there but I'm talking about a partner in real life whom I have been growing apart from for quite some time.
I sometimes feel like they are avoiding me and to be honest it hurts and we both play Feral heart.
The particular character I'm talking about is one who has a history with said partner's character yet also has a history with another male character.
I don't want to do anything to upset this partner but her character is almost never around and I don't mean to sound a bit harsh or overly indulged in roleplay but it is kinda sad when her pups always ask where their Father is in the roleplay.
Now she and this other male was once the OTP for an older roleplay haha.
And everybody thinks they should still get back together but the thing is I draw my outer feelings heavily away from what my characters are feeling.
And said female character is extremely lonely and often wonders whether or not her Mate just up and left. Now at the same time she's terrified of falling back in love with the other male not because he abused her or anything and they moved past their past issues, in fact they were Teenage sweet hearts.
She's afraid of falling back in love with him because she doesn't want to hurt her other love who has made some questionable mistakes in their relationship. I wont say what but cheating is not one of them....however you could say that the mistakes would have the same affect as cheating though this happened long ago but the way my character is designed she tends to be very self conscious.
Maybe I'm overthinking this but if someone claims "Rights" To your characters in the sense as they belong to my character is it wrong to have your character slowly look towards another if they are never on. And I'm not talking for a couple days or weeks I'm talking months and maybe even a year. I follow the code that the flow of time within a roleplay does not stop for anyone and thus of course actions are going to happen and it's just a little saddening that her pups always seem to grow up with an absent Father.
I hold deep care for my characters as some of them are inspired by dear friends who have passed. This is my way of somehow giving them a happy ending when their own ends weren't all that happy.
So any ideas on how I should vent her feelings out ?

For a big RP coming to FH I was put in charge of making the map.
And I need to know how to turn these two images into blood materials.....but I'm not so good with coding Could someone please teach me? I tried myself but for some reason it always crashes when I type it in...

It's been so lonely since you all been gone.
I try to make new friends but they never stay for long
I wish that I could have gone with you
And have my life be renewed
For I look towards the day this all will end
And I'll be reunited with my long true friends.
The Pain will not subside
Until the moment I die.
Within my thoughts I reside
Growing colder with each year that passes by.
Am I ill with a disease called life?
These days are just getting so hard to pass by
And it's even harder when you're losing everyone in your life.
But I'm going to leave this place
Sooner each day.
It doesn't matter if I break.
I'll still be forgotten anyway.
I'm going to find my friends.
And together we'll be again.
I'm sick of being alone
With my mind being the only friend to call my ownx
I wanna find my friends.
And face the world with them hand in hand.
I want to be above.
And no longer be below.
I'll do whatever it takes.
To find my home.

(I wrote this for the friends I lost on FH and since they loved this game so much I decided to post it on here. I know they can't read it but maybe they loved the game so much maybe it followed them)

The map I am making is approximately 89999 in width and I'm making it -heavily- detailed. suddenly it crashes EVERY TIME I test it in Map Maker and when I go into it on a character. I did not export it nor do I have any particles in it. What do I do?