Author Topic: Seeing Red  (Read 2720 times)

Offline charmermew

  • Familiar Grounds Dweller
  • **
  • Posts: 86
  • Floof-O-Meter: 1
  • Rawr.
    • View Profile
Seeing Red
« on: January 13, 2012, 07:16:24 am »
So this is a story i'm writing and I would love for you to read :D Comments, reviews, ratings and full critiques are greatly appreciated ;D So enjoy! ;) PS Sorry if the beginning is somewhat similar to warriors  :-[ I love Erin Hunter <3

                                                                Seeing Red

It was very dark. The only light source being provided by the moon. Luna sniffed the air, searching for anything familiar in this strange place. Suddenly, she heard a quiet scampering. A mouse! she thought and dropped into a stalking position. The little creature sat on a small rock, nibbling on a berry, the juices staining it's mouth. The she-pup slowly crept toward her prey, inching closer every second. It was now almost within reach. She sprang up to sink her jaws into it's flesh when all of a sudden she was hit by an unknown animal. Snarling, Luna awoke to her denmate Heath towering over her. "Get up Luna!" he ordered, even though he was still a pup himself. "Ok ok Luna replied, don't get your fur all up in a knot". She shook her pure white fur and sprang out of the den, red eyes gleaming in excitement. Today was the day they would be aloud outside the den area. She beamed and raced over to her packmate Fern. "Fern I'm going outside the den area today! "Wow. Amazing! Fern replied in a sarcastic tone. Luna's face fell at the older pups response. "Aren't you happy for me?" she asked, slightly crushed. "Sure whatever, leave me alone runt! she snarled back. "Fine!" Luna growled and trudged off upset. No mater she said to herself smiling, Fern won't ruin my day! But what Luna didn't know is that Fern would ruin it.... and a whole lot of other things too


Offline Jaytsa

  • Familiar Grounds Dweller
  • **
  • Posts: 51
  • Floof-O-Meter: 3
  • .~:Ohai.:~.
    • View Profile
Re: Seeing Red
« Reply #1 on: January 16, 2012, 06:58:37 pm »
Nice work, Em&Em. :P
Don't bunt. Aim out of the ballpark.

Offline charmermew

  • Familiar Grounds Dweller
  • **
  • Posts: 86
  • Floof-O-Meter: 1
  • Rawr.
    • View Profile
Re: Seeing Red
« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2012, 06:55:11 am »
Thank you very much ;D

Offline Kula

  • Experienced Traveler
  • **
  • Posts: 136
  • Floof-O-Meter: 4
  • Chickenmanfunnypants
    • View Profile
Re: Seeing Red
« Reply #3 on: January 17, 2012, 07:23:26 am »
Nice XD

Offline charmermew

  • Familiar Grounds Dweller
  • **
  • Posts: 86
  • Floof-O-Meter: 1
  • Rawr.
    • View Profile
Re: Seeing Red
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2012, 08:24:21 am »
Thx Meemo ;D

Offline Kula

  • Experienced Traveler
  • **
  • Posts: 136
  • Floof-O-Meter: 4
  • Chickenmanfunnypants
    • View Profile
Re: Seeing Red
« Reply #5 on: January 17, 2012, 08:57:59 am »
Your welcome :3 I'd love to see more of it :)

Offline charmermew

  • Familiar Grounds Dweller
  • **
  • Posts: 86
  • Floof-O-Meter: 1
  • Rawr.
    • View Profile
Re: Seeing Red
« Reply #6 on: January 17, 2012, 10:51:04 am »
Glad to see some people are interested :D im working on the next chapter at the moment so stay tuned ;D

Offline Larka98

  • Experienced Traveler
  • **
  • Posts: 229
  • Country: 00
  • Floof-O-Meter: 8
  • Old school retired player
    • View Profile
Re: Seeing Red
« Reply #7 on: October 19, 2012, 08:36:59 pm »
I sure am going to. Let us know when it's up, will ya? I cannot wait
Old school retired player who occasionally comes in for a peek

Offline charmermew

  • Familiar Grounds Dweller
  • **
  • Posts: 86
  • Floof-O-Meter: 1
  • Rawr.
    • View Profile
Re: Seeing Red
« Reply #8 on: November 11, 2012, 09:18:27 am »
Hey thanks Louise ^.^ This thing is so old though! I read this and was chuckling inside my head. I'm a WAY better writer now