Need a bit of personal advice.

[Arkayy]

So a lot has been going on at my place recently and i really just needs someone else's opinion on what to do.


It started when my stepbrother went over to his mom's and the two go into a huge argument. I just now as informed what happened. In a nutshell, his mother and stepfather are druggies and he had proof that could get there kids taken out because it wasn't exactly a safe environment. He showed the pic to his father and all hell broke loose on him and his own mother said some pretty nasty stuff to him that if i repeat on here, i would definitely offend a lot of ears. He was so depressed. Like any sibling would, I tried to cheer him up as best as i could.

Though that's only the start.

My two cousins have also moved in. One of them is a few years younger than me and is depressed enough to begin with, though is very clingy to me and if i do anything apart from her, she gets the impression i'm mad and over thinks things to a point where its absolutely absurd and thinks i hate her and want her to move out.

And her little brother, who is around 6, is very.... hyper. The thing is, that his parents nearly NEVER disciplined the kid, never bothered to help him learn stuff, never bothered to even potty train him and still had him on a bottle at the age of 6 so they didn't have to feed him properly! Though, as you can imagine, he will run around the house, break whatever he feels like with no concern for consequence as well as hit... hard. One of my other cousins, myself, my brother and step dad have all had a bit of blood drawn from being hit by him or have something thrown at, he prefers to chuck hot wheels at things when he doesn't get his way.

Then there's just minor things stacking up, an old friend's passing, my cousin's former parents and grandma harassing us about having their kids, the fact that we have little money to do things anymore, etc.

I guess i'm not directly affected by most of this all, but theres been so much negativity in the air lately that's been getting to me. I really am at a loss at what to anymore and am joining the depression myself for a few other reasons I rather not discuss. And at the time where i do want to help everyone feel better and get over whats happening, i just feel very neglected and alone. Do you think I'm being a bit selfish for wanting a bit of privacy? I'm a naturally solitary person and i just feel very insecure when others area always around.


What do you think I should do? Any help is appreciated.

[PrettyReckless]

First of all. I'm sorry to hear of all this. Life shouldn't be this way..
I guess we should call ourselves lucky in Sweden and not complain over much.

However. I don't know what there is to do about the first situation.
All I could suggest is be there for the guy, and try to talk to him.
Yet, I understand if it's difficult. Especially not knowing yours or his age.
It's good to find distractions, just minor ones. Staying active and all that.
Going outside or playing games.

When it comes to your cousin who seems to be a bit touchy.
Sit down and talk to her. Make sure she understands that all you need is a bit of space.
Even if you adore her, you need time alone every now and then.
I'm aware that it can easily be interpreted as if you don't want her around.
Perhaps offer her to borrow something of yours in the meantime?
If she perhaps likes to draw or play a game you've got.
Suggest different activities she might enioy, that could perhaps distract her for a while, and assure her you'll do something together when you have time.
Perhaps watch a movie together or something along those lines.

Moving onto the six year old..
The lack of discipline has obviously effected the kid negatively, and will continue to do so until there comes structure to his life.
All I can say is that there should he consequences after he's behaved badly.
He can't always get his way, and all that.
It'll end up making things worse.

But as I understand it. They all now live with your parents?
I hope you know that they're not your responsibility, even if you may feel they are.
Or feel bad for not being able to help more than you are..

I think it's wonderful, that you're thinking about how to make it easier for them all.
As well as for yourself.
It's not been easy for you, with everything troubling you, and piling up.

It could also be an idea to suggest professional help, for those who feel they need it.
And, don't be afraid of asking for help yourself.

Might not be the best advice, but it could be something.
Don't be afraid of sending a PM if you ever need someone to talk to.

Kind regards,
Ressy - Older sister of four (soon to be five).

[WolfQueen]

...and I though my life sucked.

I am very concerned about the 6 year old. Drinking from the bottle at that age is very unhealthy, since his body can now take on much more foods, and the formula isn't suit for him anymore. The lack of discipline in the child will affect him pretty bad in the future. Yeah, kinda sounds like my half-brother Connor, but he's pretty much potty trained and eats regular food. His behaviour is horrible, though. Can't even have some privacy with him around. I even heard from my aunt that my dad is now treating him like a piece of trash. lol I slightly feel your pain, like every time I visit my dad in Missouri in the summer.

I can't get the best advice since I'm probably thousands of miles away from you. ;n; Dearly sorry. You can try PrettyR's suggestion tho.

[Arkayy]

@PrettyReckless
Thank you a lot for this. :,D I really appreciate it.

My stepbrother is a year younger than me, though he's very emotional. I've been trying to do so by distracting him like you said already, I sat through 10 straight hours of LOTR with him. x3 Only cause I love him and wanted him to feel better.

I might try so with her. Though like i said, shes a very dependant person and besides my brother, I'm the only she will talk to because she is extremely timid. Whenever i ask her what she wants to do, its always, "Whatever you want to do." Or if she does want to do something its, "Come with me. I dont want to go alone" Tbh, i', a bit afraid to tell her such a thing since im normally bad at phrasing things myself.  But when i feel the moments right, ill definitely try.

And we have been disciplining him, though i guess not like my parents normally would. Its usually when he does that sort of thing, its his naptime and hes to go lay down to calm down. I've been told not to spank him or yell at him, probably for the fact that his sister would not approve and would tell her mom since they both contact each other once in a while. As much as i understand its not his fault for all of this, the amount of things he does is a bit overwhelming.

Plus there is also the fact that my grandma 'conveniently' lives across the street and loads him on sugar to make him spaz out, then complains to us that he doesn't listen. And she spoils him rotten, just like his mother. Like the other day, she complained, "He made me spend 40 dollars on toys at goodwill!" But then again, she has the luxury of not knowing the value of money and wastes it on the oddest and stupidest things. *Facepalm* She once spent 100 dollars on magnets and broken toys for a kid she DOESN'T HAVE.

(Ok, now im just ranting about her xD)

And I already talked to my mom about going to see a counselor and trying to get personal help.



@OhKelseyYou  Well, the thought counts. :3 <3

And yes, he's another reason i can't get privacy all that often. What they put him through literally disgusts me... I'm sorry to see you have to go through similar.

Though there is a perk to having him around. If a burglar ever comes in, he'll probably pelt them with cars screaming "HOT WHEELS!" or "ANGRY BIRDS!!!!" Best. Security. System. Ever. xD

[PrettyReckless]

10 hours? Oh mai. I'd be climbing the walls.
That's a very lovely thing to do though. :3
I'd do the same for my brothers.  

Ah. Yeah, it csn grt quite annoying when people hog you.
Especially when they're persistent and believe you want them gone if you try to get some space.
Of course, when the time feels right.

Spanking and shouting usually only makes things worse, it can trigger a fear..
Or just make things worse as he gets attention.
It's usually best to sit down, speak calmly and tell them why they can't behave the way they do.
Though, I have no idea how it is to raise a child, even if I have brothers.
I always left it to my parents.

An example of my father's way of raising us would be..
If we nagged for stuff..
Let's take something that actually happened.
My father and my brother was at a petrol station.
My brother kept nagging for something and threw a fit when he didn't get it.
My father knew the man who worked there, so he walked out and drove off without my brother.
Drove for a bit and later returned to get my brother who had became silent as dad walked out.
He never nagged my father about anything at the store again. xD

I'm not saying this is the right thing to do.
I'd never leave my brothers, no matter how much they nagged or threw fits.
I'd probably just let them lay on the floor or whatever until they gave it up.
Yet, they haven't been raised the way this kid has.