Crystal's Diary~[updated=Bi-polar]

[gold feathers]

13th September 2014~
I understand that there is a huge gap between my last entry but I have been having so little time to tend to Feral Heart or other sites that I couldn't have gotten around to do this sooner. I have a lot of coursework to catch up on such as textiles, art and my other subjects such as History and Geography. I am trying my best to get the best grades that I can, so far I am doing quite well in textiles and art but I want an A* not a B (which I am currently working at). As you see, I am overloaded with work, I get back from school and have 3 homework pieces to do for the next day... exhausting and ridiculous, but I guess I am at a fragile point in my year (yr 11), with my second mock exams coming up and my real ones which will get me to college or sixth form, I have tons of work that I need to keep top notch on. So the likelihood is that you won't find me lingering about anymore.

Luring away from school, my health has been getting worse. I have been getting extremely painful, breath taking heartburns and I cannot go up the stairs without feeling like collapsing. Recently I was going up the stairs with my friend and when I reached the top, my heart was pounding and I felt nauseous and lightheaded, I felt like I was going to collapse as I couldn't catch my breath. So eh, I need to eat more and have a healthier diet, eh?

Problem is, I cannot eat, I feel sick when I see food... And when I finally turn hungry, I eat the smallest amount possible. I am underweight and I am thinner than the average female, still I fear the visit to the doctor's haha. Any who, my family suspect that I am anemic or even worse, anorexic so that's great news... not :/
----
On a rougher note, I am more than likely to have bi-polar. I have been having very depressing moments and then skipping to a maniacal happiness, where I act excited, over nothing. When I settle I begin to feel the worst feeling of loneliness and I cannot stand the depressing thoughts that go on in my head. My family, friends and psychiatrist all said that my behaviour indicates that I have bi-polar. But I think it hasn't developed as much seeing as I lead an overall average life, with a bit more "wow" in there. At least it makes me stand out, right? Ah no, I hate being center of attention so Imma shut up now, bye <3

25th August 2014~

I have been trying; I promise I have given all I ever had, but my defenses are running low and I feel too weak to carry on. I just can't take it anymore.

I have been feeling depressed and uneasy for quite a few weeks now.. But this morning, I went online and with a glance at what I received, dread filled me up. For the first time in quite a few months I felt devastated. Why? Because I have not only been once again verbally abused but the words were burnt into the screen, filled with hatred. The person has decided to threaten me... It brings me to the point where I just cannot go any further. My life has been messed up by two people who enjoy taking out their hurt on others. And whilst I want to name them and paste the message that one of them sent me this morning, I shall refrain from doing so. Why? Because I am not as sadistic as they are. I don't receive pleasure from hurting others.

The past few messages have brought me to the edge of despair; all the hatred is thrown at me, I feel alone and helpless. I cannot continue like this. I want to cry yet I want to look strong; I am shattered, absolutely shattered.....

Yet somehow I have to carry on; without a family, but I shall try to stay strong. If you indeed want to find out who said what then please message me. I shall tell you the story :-( For now I need a helping hand who can reach out and pull me out from this abyss that I lost myself in.

24th August 2014~

So I have not been feeling quite well today. Over the last 4 weeks I have been experiencing symptoms similar to that of a chest infection. I have constantly woken up at around 3 to 4 in the morning and have been having difficulty going back to sleep. I have been constantly tormented by my severe cough and a couple of weeks ago, despite my fears, I visited a doctor, yet he insisted it was just a cold.

So today, I woke up around 4: 37 due to having difficulties breathing and coughing constantly. I tried going back to sleep but after a failed attempt I took my phone and began listening to music. Well, it seemed to have worked... Only not the way I thought it would. I began feeling faint and uneasy; before fainting, twice.

I hope this eases off soon as I cannot go on forever with this condition.

23rd August 2014~

I have been doing some redecorating around the house; repainting the walls, door frames and doors themselves. It feels nice to have the house look cleaner once in a while, right? Well this has been taking up most of my time. That, and the fact that my cat has 9 kittens. Ah, still excited to be waking up in the morning and seeing them all cuddled up. Sorry I haven't sent any pictures of them. They look adorable!

Recently, one of my cats had a little accident; the vet has told me that it was a bite from another cat, although I don't quite get how it could have bitten the inside of the mouth.. Still. That was quite an expense we had there, as he had to have antibiotics injected and had to have the lump removed. The single fact that I had to get the cat to the vet, wait around and take it back was quite time taking but oh well, I have my buddy fit and well c:

Enough about cats; I am starting school in 2 weeks time and I really need to bring in a book art for my art lesson on the first day back. It is quite frustrating because I have been trying to combine "burning", "ripping" and drawing all into one to create a vision from the song "Diary of Jane by Breaking Benjamin"... Gettit? Cause its a book? Never mind, I would appreciate any ideas; just please be reasonable, I am not much of a book sculptor.

Now, I have also recently closed down my game only to reopen it and hand over the Ownership. It is in great hands so that settles the arguments and flaming. I am sure that Jay, the new leader will be very much loved and valued! good luck Jay ;-)
And on the topic of IT servers; Impressive Ruins is finally in Staff-testing. Just minor bugs and glitches are being fixed right now; whilst taking breaks and messing around with the staff powers a little. Nothing is getting out of hand; i fact I have been congratulated on having an organized forum which I am proud of. It would make my day if you guys could join Impressive Ruins, as I love new members!

Now, hopefully I will be more active over the next few days; both in-game and forums! c:
(and I'll update this wit pictures of the kittens soon!)

[FullFeralMetal]

F U L L F E R A L M E T A L

Well, well. It seems that we are in the same position -- with the redecorating, I mean.

As for the game, it sounds interesting and all I had to see was the name to know that. -LeClicksToJoin-

[gold feathers]

F U L L F E R A L M E T A L

Well, well. It seems that we are in the same position -- with the redecorating, I mean.

As for the game, it sounds interesting and all I had to see was the name to know that. -LeClicksToJoin-

Ah nice to know there is someone out there, taking their time to renew those old corners in their house c:
And thank you, I had to plan out quite a lot when I decided to make the game/forums. *PerksEarsAndWatchesFloofehJoin* Thankyew! Have fun c:

[FullFeralMetal]

F U L L F E R A L M E T A L

Well it is my first house after all, so I like to keep it in shape.

As for the forum, I clicked on it and it went to the Proboards Angry Bear... Rawr. So what now?

[gold feathers]

Ah yes, I feel ya~
Ooh the angry bear rather annoys me at times. Go to this link --> http://impressive-ruins.boards.net/

[gold feathers]

Updated!

[FullFeralMetal]

F U L L F E R A L M E T A L

That's it. -BuffsUp- Where are the ones who are sending you bad messages? I'll pull their heads off and shove it down their throats.. too much? Eh.

Anyhow, don't let words on a computer bother you lass. Honestly, the only reason people do that on a computer/phone/etc is because they like to hide behind a screen. If they really have to do that, then what kind of people are they? .. Well, stupid people. -- Nice comeback right? --

Cheer up and if you need to talk about anything then I'm open to listen.

[gold feathers]

Aw, you made me laugh quite a bit, hun c:
I really do appreciate your comment as it has brightened up my day a little. You are right, people take things too far only because the screen is like a shield to them and they know that as far as they stay on the internet behind a mask, nothing will happen to them (apart from the occasional ban)

-That comeback though- Feisty one you are c;
And thank you once again for the support c:

[FullFeralMetal]

F U L L F E R A L M E T A L

Just knowing it brightened your day is satisfying to me. Seriously, don't sweat other people and 'twas my pleasure to help. Feisty is what you get when you push someone's buttons. x'3

[gold feathers]

I shall follow that suggestion c:
And I shall remember not to push anyone's.... buttons.... ;-') (as odd as it sounds)