WolvenOne by Alyssa R -xxx-

[anole04]

Wolven One

  The young shewolf looked up. Shecould have sworn she had heard howling. She shook her head doubtfully, no one except her would be up this early.
    "Anyone here?" A head popped out from above, upsidown as usual,"Oh, hey Tavie!"
    "Sholan! What the heck. You almost gave me a heart attack!"
The night was quiet after that. Not a sound was heard in the forest... for a few seconds. When you have two wolves out in a forest, especially soon-to-be mates... lets just say they probably woke up the Artic Wolves.
    "Ya know... it's a beautiful night..." Sholan whispered in her ear later, just before sunrise."Would you ah... like to do... something?"
    "Um... aren't I a little to young for that? She asked, backing up.
    Embarrasssed, Sholan drew back. "That is NOT what I meant, Tavie!... unless...you want to
..
    How did these conversations with Sholan always get so...romantic?

UPDATE!

A few seconds ago, Tavie was... "hanging out" with Sholan... now, she was staring right into the eyes of Alpha Kenton ... her arranged mate.
   "Hello, Tavie..." He looked up and saw Shenzon,"May I ask what you were doing under that rock with my mate...     Omega?
   "I am NOT an Omega!' Shenzon roared... AND ATTACKED THE ALPHA.
   'Bad idea, scorn!" He said through clenched jaws, "You roll over to an Alpha!"
   Now Tavies two mates were fighting... it was her nightmare, and there was nothing she could do about it. "Guys! Please! STOP!!!" She screamed at them until Shenzon had fallen.
   "Ha! Now... Tavie. Maybe... we could... go under that rock... if you know what I mean..."
   "Shenzon !" She screamed, "Wake up!" But it was too late. Blood was all over her love, and Kenton was dragging her through the woods. She couldn't see him anymore.



IF I GET AT LEAST 3 COMMENTS SAYING I SHOULD CONTINUE I WILL!

I also support critisism as long as your not mean about it. Floofs are accepted too!

Reply pwease!

I WILL GET MORE DETAILED INTO THE... ROMANTIC... BITS IF CHU SAY I SHOULD! 2 MORE COMMENTS AND I SHALL ADD A NeW CHAPTER! ;3

[anole04]

YESH! I WILL ADD MORE... moar? IF YOU GUYS STOP HATING/SHUNNING ME... or whatever you are doing...

[anole04]

Well apparently I'm the only one who likes cookie cakes here other than chu! *those cookie* I SHALL NOW CONTINUE MAH MASHTERPEICE!

[anole04]

....tonight...

[unnbrellas]

You guys really need to stop double posting, just edit your threads.

Your story is very fast paced right now, which is a bit of a problem in my eyes. Try to slow it down with more dialogue and descriptions of the setting and characters. It would also help if you post more at a time. I can't tell if this is the exposition or turning event.  Also, make sure you are going somewhere with this, because while there are lots of good places to go, I can't tell yet if your choosing one of them.

Just a friendly critque, you and the story has potential.

[Sherlockian]

I like how it is so far and it definitely has potential. c:
If you'd like my little bit of critique I'd say it's maybe a tad too fast-paced. Maybe slow down and introduce your characters to us a bit more? Ya know, what are they like? What do they like to do? What do they look like? X3

I'd also advise that it's best if you don't go into too much detail on the romantic parts to where it could be considered violating a rule as such content is prohibited on FeralHeart. Just try to keep it PG13 for some of our younger, and older, players. ^^

Keep working on that story though, I'm sure it'll turn out great!

[anole04]

Well this is from my kindle fire and I'm sorry I couldn't edit it my computer crashed. I'm sorry if its inaproproill get to calming it down just a little and to updating. Also, this is a short story on a thrum and I am making it short and fast paced for action and such. If you would like something WAY better than this and WAY more literate than watch out for my book that's coming out (in a place called the real world) by Alyssa Rose G (not giving out full name for plagerism) it should be out in 5 months to a year.

[unnbrellas]

Well this is from my kindle fire and I'm sorry I couldn't edit it my computer crashed. I'm sorry if its inaproproill get to calming it down just a little and to updating. Also, this is a short story on a thrum and I am making it short and fast paced for action and such. If you would like something WAY better than this and WAY more literate than watch out for my book that's coming out (in a place called the real world) by Alyssa Rose G (not giving out full name for plagerism) it should be out in 5 months to a year.

Fast paced and action filled stories still need basic shapes for characters... Either way, maybe more details in the fights? idk.
Really? Whats the title going to be?

[anole04]

wolfismyname by me