Feral Heart

I am currently a 'Literate' roleplayer. I, in my opinion, am almost on the edge to being an Extreme Literate roleplayer. I have been trying to transfer to be an Extreme Literate, except I am struggling. I believe my vocabulary is excelled, and contain the other essential skills to being Literate. I think my struggle is the structure overall. Here is a sample of a...fairly long post:
Vinzenz trekked through the forest, his slick appendages fluently gliding his frail anatomy up the horrendous hills that made the terrain displeasing to walk on. As usual, belligerent intentions flustered the hessian's mind towards each creature he encountered. The hackles of thick fur on his spine turned jagged as they rose as his azure occuli locked cold with a felidae nearby. Faint growls rumbled from the back of his throat as his obesidean, leathery lubia curved into a ferocious snarl, unveiling crimson stained ivories that merely trickled with hot saliva.

Hope that was alright. Well, there was a sample. How do you think I can transfer?

Oh alright.

Psst it's me, RacheMaster from DA. Aye, still lovin this map! <3

A delightful breeze
Fills you with ease
Your optical lids shut
From smelling a pleasant, naturistic musk
The surrounding foliage is gratifying
None-the-less satisfying
Your frame lays on the dew-dampened atmosphere
This is your zone, free of fear
The forest is lush
You haven't ever relaxed so much
Your audits catch the sound of a waterfall
Which lays as the center of it all
The repetitious sound
Pulls you down
With pure tranquility
And ingenuity
You then fall into a deep sleep

Oh why thank chu. x3