Author Topic: Mountainclan's Fate [Chapter 1]  (Read 1768 times)

SynthAero

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Mountainclan's Fate [Chapter 1]
« on: January 07, 2012, 08:58:59 pm »
Mountainclan
Leader; Bladestar- Sleek black tom, yellow eyes.
Deputy; Splashfoot- Blue-gray tom, blue eyes. Apprentice; Seedpaw
Medicine Cat; Redwhisker- Red-brown tom with green eyes. Apprentice; Crescentpaw
Warriors; Darkclaw- Black tom with gray stripes and green eyes.
Mistyflight- Blue-gray she-cat with amber eyes. Apprentice; Nightpaw
Mintpelt- White she-cat with blue eyes.
Deertail- Brown tom with white underfur and a small, stumpy tail. Apprentice; Poppypaw
Whitewind- White tom with yellow eyes.
Maplereed- Torteshell she-cat with blue eyes.
Stormyslash- Gray tom with green eyes, lots of scars.
Beartooth- Brown tom with darker stripes, blue eyes.
Mudtail- Brown-gray tom with blue eyes. Apprentice; Wolfpaw
Nofoot- Thin light gray tom with blue eyes, one foot damaged badly.
Apprentices;
Crescentpaw- White she-cat with green eyes.
Nightpaw- Dark gray she-cat with darker spots and yellow eyes.
Seedpaw- Torteishell she-cat with blue eyes.
Poppypaw- Cream tom with green eyes.
Wolfpaw- Dark brown tom with yellow eyes.
Queens;
Nighttail- Thin light gray she-cat with blue eyes. Mother of Blackkit and Sandkit.
Kits;
Sandkit- Sandy colored she-cat with darker stripes and green eyes.
Elders;
Oneear- Elderly tom with one ear, black with yellow eyes.
Sharpflash- White, deaf tom with yellow eyes.

Chapter One: New Kits!
The queen, Nighttail, gasped as a kit moped onto the moss. Redwhisker nipped the sack and began licking it's fur backwards. Another kit came out! They were coming fast! Redwhisker repeated the process to the next one, and then the last that came out. He pushed the three towards their mother, but one stayed still. Redwhisker pressed his ear up to the kit's body, he couldn't feel, let alone hear, the kit's breathing. He shook his head to the queen and she yowled at him. Darkclaw bounded in. "What's going on in here?" He asked, hearing his mate yowl. "A kit died." Redwhisker explained. "That's horrible!" He screeched at the medicine cat then turned to his mate to comfort her. "The other two are still alive." He licked her cheek several times. As the day went by, more cats squeezed into the nursery to see the kits. "We're naming this one-" The queen pointed to a black tom "Blackkit." She purred to each newcomer. "And this one," Darkclaw pointed to a light, sandy she-cat with darker stripes. "Sandkit." He mewed flatly, not taking much liking to her, since he had really wanted two sons, or just one son, no she-cats. Finally the family settled as the sun sunk beneath the horizon. Sandkit pressed against her mother while Darkclaw wrapped around Blackkit. The night was soon over and everyone in the nursery was awoken as Darkclaw and Redwhisker yelled at each other. "You're saying I smothered Blackkit when I was sleeping in the medicine den on the other side of camp, when you're wrapping yourself around him until he can't breath?!" Redwhisker snapped. Now only Sandkit remained..

« Last Edit: January 09, 2012, 10:49:18 pm by [:Paintbrush:] »

Offline Zaroque

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Re: Mountainclan's Fate [Chapter 1]
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2012, 09:05:35 pm »
A good chapter Paintbrush. But for a first chapter you always need a description of the setting and the view from your main character.

Can't wait for the next one. c:
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SynthAero

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Re: Mountainclan's Fate [Chapter 1]
« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2012, 01:55:42 am »
True, I see your point there. I should add more details/where it is. Also, I WOULD have had it from the main character, but it's Sandkit...and she just got born so... XD

Offline Zaroque

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Re: Mountainclan's Fate [Chapter 1]
« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2012, 03:12:49 pm »
Well, thats a great thing to start on. A kit just entering the world. You could express how she feels, is it cold, what she sees, is it scary. c:
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jaaaeeger
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