*thinks she may have actually solved the issue*
So as aforementioned, I thought it was bizarre that I didn't lag underwater, just above it, and only if I moved.
I found.... I guess you could call it a "hiccup"?
So I went into object maker and removed the sound from a certain rock I had placed crashing wave noises on. My logic was "it's the only noisy object that I have submerged in water".
I had placed quite a few of the rocks at many places in the lake, so instead of deleting them all, I changed the original object to be soundless, and created a copy with sound. Naming them "BeachRock" and "BeachRock w/ Sound" The BeachRock was the one I had put over a dozen of inside the lake, so when I tested the map again I noticed the lag was gone.
Then just to experiment, I placed the BeachRock w/ Sound at one spot in the lake, making sure it was totally submerged and re-ran the Test again. If I got within a certain perimeter of the rock, the game would "hiccup", like a half-second pause.
Previously, when all of the rocks still had sound, every time I came within their perimeter the game would "hiccup" and I had placed so many that it just seemed as though it were a consistent framerate drop.
So my theory: Objects with sound do NOT like being in water.
It could be a total fluke, but the game runs perfectly smooth now. xD