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In-Game Roleplay & Group Advertisement / Re: Soudaishou's Hymn -- Lit+ All Canine Roleplay -- Revival of Dogs of Japan
« on: February 02, 2014, 05:00:13 pm »
@wolfgirl222;; I almost missed your edited post. Next time, just post a new one instead, otherwise I will continue to miss them. Luckily, I managed to browse through the thread, but that may not happen again.
Anyways, as for your character, it does not meet our standards. I'll break it down for you.
grey with black stripes and white undercoat with bushy tail and black eyes and brown nose with black tail tip
Tora doesn't sound like a Great Dane. Great Danes don't have stripes or bushy tails. This sounds more like a Tora-ge Akita than a Great Dane.
Personality: wise,silent and loyal
The Personality section is far too short. Wise, silent and loyal? Those are good traits to have, but you'll have to be far more in-depth than just this. This is a good starting point, but what makes Tora tick? Why is he wise when he's only a year old? Why is he silent? Is he mute? Maybe he took on a vow of silence? Why is he loyal? Did someone from the pack save his life and he's decided to follow them?
he hade a owner, a big dog house what every dog would ever dream of. But his owner couldn't see he was special even if he was the smallest great dane . His owner wanted to put him down but instead his kids decided that he should be thrown out of the house because seeing him in pain was not what they wanted .so during the night they went out and toke off his collar and said there last goodbye.
Wow, those are some mean kids. I think seeing your dog get thrown out of the house is pretty harsh coming from a kid. Wouldn't they want Tora to be happy? Maybe they'd suggest giving him to another family, or at least putting him in the pound? Even relatively young kids are aware that being outside with no shelter or food is terrible.
Smallest Great Dane? Why would the owner have issues with Tora being small? This doesn't make a lot of sense unless there's a reason for it. It's fine if Tora's something of a runt, but why would the owner want to put him down? Would he at least not try to find him another home instead of just blatantly killing him? He's just as mean as his kids, apparently.
Is the owner trying to breed a show dog or something? What is his REASON for doing all of this? This is basically just a sob story that falls flat with no meat on the bones.
Really, this family needs a good slap to the face, and then some.
Tora walked alone and silently down a path of unknown , when suddenly he smelled dogs , not one dog or two a lot of dogs , he barked but none respond , then he walked closer and saw the dogs and they were loyal and muscular true dogs to be fair .
A run-on sentence riddled with several grammar errors is all I see here. It's also far too short; at least a paragraph, which should roughly be five sentences, is required. I suggest double-checking your work and our requirements before posting, Wi-fi cut or not.
Anyways, as for your character, it does not meet our standards. I'll break it down for you.
grey with black stripes and white undercoat with bushy tail and black eyes and brown nose with black tail tip
Tora doesn't sound like a Great Dane. Great Danes don't have stripes or bushy tails. This sounds more like a Tora-ge Akita than a Great Dane.
Personality: wise,silent and loyal
The Personality section is far too short. Wise, silent and loyal? Those are good traits to have, but you'll have to be far more in-depth than just this. This is a good starting point, but what makes Tora tick? Why is he wise when he's only a year old? Why is he silent? Is he mute? Maybe he took on a vow of silence? Why is he loyal? Did someone from the pack save his life and he's decided to follow them?
he hade a owner, a big dog house what every dog would ever dream of. But his owner couldn't see he was special even if he was the smallest great dane . His owner wanted to put him down but instead his kids decided that he should be thrown out of the house because seeing him in pain was not what they wanted .so during the night they went out and toke off his collar and said there last goodbye.
Wow, those are some mean kids. I think seeing your dog get thrown out of the house is pretty harsh coming from a kid. Wouldn't they want Tora to be happy? Maybe they'd suggest giving him to another family, or at least putting him in the pound? Even relatively young kids are aware that being outside with no shelter or food is terrible.
Smallest Great Dane? Why would the owner have issues with Tora being small? This doesn't make a lot of sense unless there's a reason for it. It's fine if Tora's something of a runt, but why would the owner want to put him down? Would he at least not try to find him another home instead of just blatantly killing him? He's just as mean as his kids, apparently.
Is the owner trying to breed a show dog or something? What is his REASON for doing all of this? This is basically just a sob story that falls flat with no meat on the bones.
Really, this family needs a good slap to the face, and then some.
Tora walked alone and silently down a path of unknown , when suddenly he smelled dogs , not one dog or two a lot of dogs , he barked but none respond , then he walked closer and saw the dogs and they were loyal and muscular true dogs to be fair .
A run-on sentence riddled with several grammar errors is all I see here. It's also far too short; at least a paragraph, which should roughly be five sentences, is required. I suggest double-checking your work and our requirements before posting, Wi-fi cut or not.