Author Topic: The plight of a dragon...  (Read 5975 times)

Offline Verinian

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The plight of a dragon...
« on: June 21, 2012, 03:48:26 am »
« Last Edit: August 24, 2012, 07:22:13 am by Asterian Ni'Tari »

The shadows that surround us.

The Plight of a Dragon.  Chapter 2

I...  Might literally be losing my mind...  It's scaring me... ;-;

Offline Verinian

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Re: The plight of a dragon... The Graveyard.
« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2012, 03:48:45 am »
« Last Edit: July 16, 2012, 04:51:56 am by Asterian Ni'Tari »

The shadows that surround us.

The Plight of a Dragon.  Chapter 2

I...  Might literally be losing my mind...  It's scaring me... ;-;

Offline Verinian

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Re: The plight of a dragon... The Graveyard.
« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2012, 03:49:11 am »
Post reserved.

The shadows that surround us.

The Plight of a Dragon.  Chapter 2

I...  Might literally be losing my mind...  It's scaring me... ;-;

Offline Verinian

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Re: The plight of a dragon... The Graveyard.
« Reply #3 on: June 21, 2012, 08:04:27 am »
Say what you think...  Or if you even care at least.  I know I have a spastic style of writing.  But I think in that manor anyways...  So bleh.

The shadows that surround us.

The Plight of a Dragon.  Chapter 2

I...  Might literally be losing my mind...  It's scaring me... ;-;

Offline Wolfish Grin

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Re: The plight of a dragon... The Graveyard.
« Reply #4 on: June 21, 2012, 08:53:29 pm »
Ooh, this is very nice, Aster! Like, really! nice. ^^ I love how you coupled it with music, and I have to say RainyMood is absolutely wonderful for this; as well as the Listen On Repeat - Clinton Mansell - Stay With Me. It fits very, very well together. I love when authors add something else to their writing, to make it more than 2D.

As for the writing. I've seen different styles of writing, and even in your RPs, I've noticed different sentence stucture. Lots of abrubted ending or starting phrases. Incomplete, but with a certain thought so that it's almost hinting at something more. Emphasized, if you will. It's interesting, but for a story like this it works well together. If that's how you write, and you're comfortable with it, for for it!

I don't want to come off like a proffessional critic or whatnot, but I do want to critic this, because like every writer knows, that's how you learn and grow in your skills and writing, especially from other witers.

Yes, you do have... spastic could be a way for it. It's different. Unique. And I like that; originality is always a plus, at least for me. I'm not sure if it would be good for, say, something proffessional, (I'm not sure how you consider writing for a carreer. I wouldn't really recommend this style for a novel or novelette or what ever. For something more.. poetic, it probably wouldn't be a big deal.), but for a short story like this, it gives it... more feeling. More depth to it. Little grammer/spelling/punctuation mistakes here and there, but not enough to take away from the story as a whole. And pink? Haha, and odd choice, but if you think it fits... xD

As for the story itself, I absolutely love the idea and feel. The ... leave emphasis on the, hm, how desperate the story is? How pleading it is and how the character, Marthnan, suffers. (By the way, I just love the names you come up with. More originality points there. ^^ I cannot tell you how much I despise the names 'Shadow,' 'Luna,' and 'Fang.' Oi, they make me want to stab something.) The setting, and the hinting of the past; the misunderstandings and trouble with his father. And then a female dragon, Kandria, comes by just in time to save him. She is an interesting character how you describe her; '"...she smirked, but behind her rude facade she was slightly worried about him." Very interesting indeed, but her personality draws me in. Not only because it's interesting, but because I can connect with that.

Now, connections. I've always believed that stories, poems, writings are heavily based on feelings. Of course they are. Some aren't as strong; some are fake as well, but this particular writing, and the personalities in the characters, reflect something more in the writer. Anything and everything is connected, and the feeling and mood here, which I have come to assume is reflected by yourself, is also reflected in the reader. Hardships are always a way to connect, and therefore makes the reader more... absorbed into your writings. Personally, I've always loved dark, depressing, and not-so-happy-ever-after ending stories/poems/writings, because of the kind of person I am. From the RPs I've seen you in, and this writing, I can tell you feel at least somewhat the same way. And that's wonderful, because there's that connection there. Feelings feed off of connections: severed or strengthened. Some good, some not so good. I believe you could be a very influential writer if you continue to... captivate your audience within the feeling, mood, and connections, as well as hinted... morals, lessons, messages, or themes in your writing. Influence is a powerful tool, and I hope you use it well.

Holy fudgenuggets, I did it again. Typed a whole crapload. >.> Sorry about that, Aster, I tend to go overboard with me thoughts and rants, especially when it comes to writing. It's a very strong passion of mine, as well as art is. I'm sure you could understand, yes? Just a few more things; feel at least somewhat proud of your work! It's that great that you can brag about it! Share it, so you can grow with yoru writing and learn more experiences! You have a wonderful story here, and great potential for something alot bigger and greater (such as a full novel or novelette of whatever it is you're thinking of writing. I know I've always wanted to write something like that, but I can't seem to commit to the time, thought, and effort, as well as length. -.- I'll never succeed as a published author, with deadlines and such, haha. xD)! I wish you goodluck with the rest of your story as well as writing career if you continue to persue it, and I can't wait for the rest of this short story of yours! ^^ Keep up the fabulous work, Aster!
« Last Edit: June 21, 2012, 08:56:57 pm by WolfishGrin~(AVT) »
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Offline Verinian

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Re: The plight of a dragon... The Graveyard.
« Reply #5 on: June 21, 2012, 09:41:43 pm »
Thanks.  All the short stops have a reason.  Notice that Kandria had either few or absolutely none?  And Marthnan a ton?  It is completely purposeful.  And the truth about the feelings is Marthnan is a dragon reflection of me in a mirror.  I have a form of autism.  Which I slightly drew into it.  though you might only be noticing it now.  I am a VERY literal person in addition.  Slow processing speed means I have to take time to even know what I am thinking.

I drew on all of this stuff to create Marthnan.  A dragon alter-ego I guess you could say.  And placed him into a world that seemed against him.

I found the music by accident on another RP site.  And I found it fit better with my story than their post.

rainymood.com I just love.  And yesterday I was listening to the repeat song for 16 hours non-stop.  ._.

And oh yes.  No MS word for me.  ;3  I didn't spell/grammar check it because the fragments are purposeful.  And Mozilla had an internal spell check.
« Last Edit: June 21, 2012, 09:43:33 pm by Asterian Ni'Tari »

The shadows that surround us.

The Plight of a Dragon.  Chapter 2

I...  Might literally be losing my mind...  It's scaring me... ;-;

Offline Wolfish Grin

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Re: The plight of a dragon... The Graveyard.
« Reply #6 on: June 21, 2012, 10:00:28 pm »
No problem! ^^ And they have a reason? At first, I didn't really notice that. But here, yes I noticed there was emphasis. I also did see that Kandria had very little; Mathnan a lot, yes. And thank you for being honest, I know how hard it can be to talk truthfully about feelings. I could tell Mathnan was based off of yourself, and how you persieved? Perseeved. However the heck you spell that. Persieved the world around you, I guess?

It's a very nice picture you've painted with Marthnan and the whole story. He's like a fursona, as us furries would call it. xD Generally, they're... well, furry creatures, but I've seen dragons too. I don't know if yo consider youself a furry (I consider myself.. half furry I guess. >.> I'm not quite sure.) And yeah, the world's always out to get you; you just can't let that happen though. I love Marthnan's determination to not let that take him down; to stay alive. And how even when there's practically nothing for him, he still placed Kandria's well being over his own.

Haha, I know, I found RainyMood from Youtube, when one of the top comments said to go to RainyMood.com and listen to that, then play the song. Together, they fit nicely; just as the music peice does with yours. I'm still listening to them togther, they're that good!

Oh, don't worry about the little mistakes. And MS word would drive you nuts with the fragments, you're totally right. It pisses me off to have one or two green or red underlined sentences, but... the whole story? e.e Let's not even go to how insane that would drive me... xD Yeah, just forget about it; it's no biggie. xD

But I can't wait for the next chapter/part!~
I really need to get around to updating my siggy.
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Offline Verinian

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Re: The plight of a dragon... The Graveyard.
« Reply #7 on: June 21, 2012, 10:41:52 pm »
It's awkward in school when the teachers come to you to ask how to spell certain words...  And I know about the stupid lines.   On one of the other sites I RP on I joined the furries guild.  Though I am not a furry.  Some say scalies but I say draconics.

The shadows that surround us.

The Plight of a Dragon.  Chapter 2

I...  Might literally be losing my mind...  It's scaring me... ;-;

Offline Verinian

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Re: The plight of a dragon... The Graveyard.
« Reply #8 on: July 16, 2012, 04:13:58 am »
I am thinking about finding what to put up next here...  Ahh.  I so love the music...  This song...  I get stuck so easily.  And then there is Nox Arcana...  But anyhow.  Now to find out what section of this to put up...   Since after the latest flash update the song link doesn't work anymore.  I am changing the site in hopes it will work.

The shadows that surround us.

The Plight of a Dragon.  Chapter 2

I...  Might literally be losing my mind...  It's scaring me... ;-;

Offline Wolfish Grin

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Re: The plight of a dragon...
« Reply #9 on: July 18, 2012, 01:13:17 am »
Hiya Aster!~ ^^

Wonderful second chapter! :D I abosolutely love your description of how their scales change color! I think that's really creative, and the spring was an unexpected and interesting twist! But I like it!  ...  -Refrains from a perverted comment- I can't wait for more!

And do you mean that you're trying to find another peice of music to partner with your writing, but it's not working? And changing the site, as in for the music, or the story?
I really need to get around to updating my siggy.
Meh, but that would require effort.