Which unfinished stories shall live? (Please read the post before voting)

[catsanddogsandbirds]

[catsanddogsandbirds]

Bump? ):

[BouncyLion101]

I like these short little stories, you deserve more comments on this thread, Twizzler. c:

All the short stories were nice, but I have to say that The Dragon Orb was my favorite.

[catsanddogsandbirds]

Well, they aren't short stories, but thanks.

[BouncyLion101]

Oh, oops, lol fail on my part.
Well you're welcome anyway, dear. c:

[catsanddogsandbirds]

You could do a critique on some of them/one of them ^^ /totallynotforcingyou

[BouncyLion101]

You could do a critique on some of them/one of them ^^ /totallynotforcingyou

Alright, I'm not good at that but I'll try. XD

In The Spotted Ones some of the sentence structure is wrong and some of the sentences are forced and awkward. But I admire your creativity because that's a really original concept.

And in the Dragons of the Clans maybe writing more on how he found and killed the bull?
I like the name Naythok though, it fits the dragon well. And at first it says that Naythok caught a large buffalo, not saying anything at all that it was elderly. Then it says that he scattered them and caught an elderly buffalo, and I think mentioning that the buffalo was old in the first place would make it a bit better.

In The Dragon Orb you should consider giving the character more of an introduction in the beginning and not writing other stuff right away. And there's not much else that I can find fault with it, it's a pretty nice writing.

Hope this is what you expected, sorry it's kind of a short and bad critique. XD  I'm not experienced with this at all, lol.

[catsanddogsandbirds]

Dragons of the Clans: I actually have more info on that, but I needed the sneek peek to be short
Spotted Ones: Could you give me an example of some of those wrongly structured/forced sentences?
Dragon Orb: Lol I know. I can't think of anything that would merge well with the rest of it XP

[BouncyLion101]

Dragons of the Clans: I actually have more info on that, but I needed the sneek peek to be short
Spotted Ones: Could you give me an example of some of those wrongly structured/forced sentences?
Dragon Orb: Lol I know. I can't think of anything that would merge well with the rest of it XP

She was nervous. She was scared.

Really short sentences like those are mainly used in like very dramatic scenes in books, I know that it was a dramatic scene in the writing but it's at the very beginning of the writing and it doesn't really give the reader much time to really feel the atmosphere and what's really going on.

The cat scoffs at this.

I'm no English teacher or writer, but I don't think that is a correct sentence. I could be wrong though.

And yeah, I'm a little tired right now so those are the only examples I could find, but like I said it's very creative and original. c:

[catsanddogsandbirds]

As for the "The cat scoffs at this." one, it is a complete sentence. The subject is "cat", and the verb is "scoffs". But that's just the description, not the story

 And for "She was nervous. She was scared." Yeah, I see what you mean. I might need to add some more description in my writing overall anyway