No. I will not help you. In fact, I will just sit here and watch you suffer, despite this event likely having been in the past. No no, actually, I will bring this /back./ I will bring your cat back, glue it to your keyboard, and leave it there so you can stare at his fluff lying there for all eternity. Or maybe you could do something else but nahhh, instead, just like your cat, you sit there. Lying there, like the ball of fluff you are.
...Maybe you ARE the cat?