Ever want to just....start over?

[Azurain]

You ever do something wrong....to the point nobody ever trusts you again? To the point it eats away at your very soul? To the point you torture yourself every minute of everyday and wish with every breath you could go back and fix it?

The worst part about it is...when people expect you to forget it, and they may act like they have but you know they really haven't. You can just tell. Whether it be the way they talk. They way they treat you. You just know they really honestly haven't forgotten. But they expect you to just "move on and forget it." When you know they're judging you. And the worst part is, they would never ever let you start over again. You could try, but they will always be watching you, waiting for you to screw up again, always remembering what you did in the past...

Honestly is there really a point to it all? What's the point of even being around people that don't forgive you? And especially....how the heck do you forgive yourself? How can you even start over?

What lesson do I have to learn still? I've lost the trust of everyone, I've lost friends, I've been bullied and ridiculed. What else is there for me to learn? That you can't trust anyone? Is that it?

Oh how I wish I could just restart. Totally fresh. And truly forget the past.

Sorry this turned into more of a rant but there are genuine questions here. Have any of you done this? How did you learn to cope with it?

[WolfQueen]

i've been in this situation before and i moved to a smaller school in search for a new perspective. it helped me a lot especially since i've joined asb (student body) and i'm in a much better place now. if anyone remembers me from 2-3 years ago (i used to go by ohkelseyyou) i was mean and took my anger out on people and this was why.

if you can't move from the place you are at then walk away and search for better friends. get some professional help if you can or at least reach out to someone you trust because bottling it up inside will only make it worse. if you're still in school then remember you're only going to see them for a short time. you won't see them again after you graduate. focus on fixing yourself and not them.

i'm always here if you need someone to talk to. pm me and i'll give you my discord if ya want. <3

[Kuri]

Yeah, just do what i do, keep being yourself with incremental improvements.

[Admirer]

I've actually had some decent experience with people absolutely hating my very being but the key to that is to be conscious of what you may have done wrong and work to improve that.
I am definitely not the same person I was 2 years ago. I still have people who hate my guts and I honestly don't think that's very fair but it happens. The people you need around you are the people who know that you can change and do better. Falling out of friendships is a very tough thing to deal with but you're capable of lots of things, I assure you.

Keep your head up high and continue to work on yourself.