more of the zombie rp (tried to do what Ame88 suggested)

[Dylanfox]

so this is me as my 3rd time doing a literate rp and how good is this roleplay??? I'm curious on others opinions of literate rp but yes this roleplay is about a undead wolf that was laying on the riverbanks looking dead but he rose seeing his surroundings
as he looked at himself he seen himself in the reflection from the river  as an undead wolf, not being able to control what he eats and devours he eats anything that has meat even innocent wolves,
he has ate 5 wolves alive total
here are the pics
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/419353341106061316/487475664505798676/unknown.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/419353341106061316/487476507942453258/unknown.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/419353341106061316/487489226632331275/unknown.png
I'm a beginner at literate roleplays also! 

here is more of it , killing his 6th victim and I tried a suggestion I was given the best I could
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/486382403103752212/487891312104701953/unknown.png https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/486382403103752212/487891437531299841/unknown.png https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/486382403103752212/487891838632460298/unknown.png https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/486382403103752212/487891987744423937/unknown.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/486382403103752212/487895899327168514/unknown.png

[Morqque]

This has caught my attention because I love zombies with a passion. You have a charming approach at conveying gore. I always over detail my gore roleplays. Is there a group of undead wolves and or demonic wolves in game?

[Dylanfox]

not that I know of owo, and thanks!

[Puffythewolf]

Oh! i really hope dawn doesnt get eaten xD, or my artic dogs ._. xD

[Ame88]

Oop- oh dear X'3 For a beginner literate RPer you're doing great- you've got the concept of writing your posts out alright~ I personally am not one for RPing gore as often as some, but when I do- oh dear I get a little carried away X3

If you want any tips, I'd suggest trying to write it out as if you're trying to write a story. So, instead of the very casual; | *I jump at you and bite you* | you can flare it up and add detail such as; | Before lunching at the smaller canine, his eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared, catching the other canine's scent with ease. In a fit of uncontrollable rage and hunger, -name- dug his hind feet into the ground and pushed forward with all his strength, propelling him quickly towards the suspecting victim before parting his jaws so his jagged teeth could sink and tear into the other's skin. | Pff I got carried away there. But anywho, see how I flared things up there? I took all the actions from "I jump at you and bite you" but added in more detail and descriptions to make it sound, cooler, if you will. It just helps others when they read it to understand and see the character for themselves, as well as their actions and what they're doing =)

[Flurr]

This seems interesting! It seems pretty neat so far! I think your looking great so far for a beginner, and you will improve greatly over time! Im sure people who are fans of zombies will like this so far. I wish you luck for your RP!

[Dylanfox]

very very very good suggestions that is soo nice of you all =3 got IEP so ill keep that noted bc that helps me a lot on how to get better! =P MEANING I CAN GO EVEN MORE INTO GORE XDDDDDDD
I wonder how it will go O.o wish me luck! =p

[Dylanfox]

I'm going to be rp'ing more with the zombie character today so ill be able to send more pictures for the zombie rp lovers! I'm actually in the game if you'd like to join, user id Dylanfox and I might be in grounds ima try Ame88's suggestion/ flaring and see where it will go! =D

[Dylanfox]

ok 5 new images of the 6th victim how is that??? ((I tried a lot it took me a while to think of ways to have it make sense but idk if its jumbled up ;-; ))

[Kastilla]

I love the improvement you've shown!~ I also have a suggestion, it will definitely help with your skills and make things go smoothly.

Add details. Details about the surroundings, the feelings. It helps whenever you're chosen to post first! What does the air smell like? Is it tainted with the scent of blood? How old is the blood? Stale or fresh? What are the overall feelings your character is experiencing? Trembling with angst or brimming with anger? However, you can use too much detail. It is something you develop overtime, so don't expect to simply get it. I will try to not go all English Professor on you, since it's honestly a skill to be honed rather than directly taught.

Also, I remember you~ We've roleplayed before, I believe? Bloodspill, Swiftkill, Bloodmoon F, and Aleu. Forgive me if I have it all wrong!