i'm sorry, i really tried... i really did.
i just can't handle this. everything in my life is going wrong. everyone hates dad, i'm the only one who actually loves him. dad left, everyone's fine with it but me. school started, i can't even do math without crying.
i'm just... tired.
tired of all this crap.
i can't focus on feralheart and do school, drums, all that other bullcrap.
i tried to be happy, i really did. i tried being hyper here, i tried to hide my depression. but i just can't.
my entire family hates dad, cause he's selfish. i know it's true, i saw him leave, i heard the story. i know he only wants attention for himself, i know he only cares for himself. but i know he can change. even if no one else does. i believe that everyone can be a good person, if they just try. my family, however, doesn't. they think he can't be helped. but i don't care, arright? i don't care that he's selfish, or a jerk. i don't care that he's been trying to manipulate us our whole lives. he's still my father.
i bet that makes me an idiot. oh well, i bet i am. but i still don't care. i can be an idiot, it doesn't matter to me. i just want dad to come back. i'm just an emotional volcano that's close to exploding... well, i finally did.
i finally told my mom how i feel. i finally broke down. i just couldn't keep it all in. i don't even know if she thinks i'm stupid and naive for believing dad can change. she probably does.
i just can't. i can't be here and be happy anymore. i'm more depressed than i've ever been. i'm sorry, everyone. i-i really tried. i'm just too tired to keep pretending.
and what's worse. the forums are at war, because of people who just want attention and fame. the war with the staff. the arguments. the lack of friendliness. and i can't handle that along with this. i already couldn't handle that... but now? it'll make me explode here on the forums. and i don't want people to think i'm a bad person. cause i'm not, i can assure you.
come on, guys... everyone on these forums are people... yes, it may seem like some of the staff members became mindless drones, but... who doesn't do that these days? they're all still people. and i don't understand... why you all hate them so much. sure, they lock threads where someone rants about how "bad the new update is" or how "mean and soulless the staff are", but the staff are still people. they still have lives... families... basic daily needs... they're still human.
i don't want to stay here with this war. i don't want to stay here, with the great risk of me exploding. that risk is growing every day, and now it'll just take a poke to make it burst. and i'm sorry.
i don't know when i'll be returning... i'm so, so sorry everyone. i tried to stay strong. and i'm sorry, yasamin, that we won't be able to make a music video together. i'm sorry, arctic, that i can't hangout with you on the game threads. i'm sorry, everyone, that i'm broken so much.
i'm sorry.
"knock knock, who's there?
not my laughter.
i am drowning,
falling faster.
racing on the tracks,
the answers.
just another
shattered flower."