Physically, I don't have any problems :/ But I have a hereditary serotonin imbalance (chemical depression and anxiety), which I am properly medicated for. Since being on the medication, I can live my life normally. When I was off them, the smallest things (like my bf at the time not seeing me before class one day) can send me into a spiral of scenarios in my head, bring me to the most terrible conclusions and make me fall into pieces. Tiny little things. But now, I am fine, and I happen to be one of the happiest and most optimistic people I know ^_^
That wasn't the worst of my problems. I also have Asperger's, and it affected me terribly throughout elementary school and high school. I didn't understand the necessary social concepts, like when it is okay or not okay to wear a certain outfit, or do a certain thing. I wore very unusual clothing and was very particular about it. I couldn't understand the social cues of people that I was interacting with, so I would talk about the same subject for a very long time, not see that the others are getting super bored and trying to politely end the conversation. Well, since they weren't coming straight out and telling me that they wanted to move on, I thought it was fine and would keep going. I had to actually learn what different facial expressions and body postures meant in a social setting, that they were important too. Even still, many things that people do don't make sense to me, and sometimes minor social cues still fly over my head.
Honestly, I have come such a long way. I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was about 12, and since then, my family and a few family friends have helped me work through it. Now, many people would think that I am completely normal, until they really get to know me. I can pull off normal pretty well now, but there are some little things that I do occasionally that, after getting to know me, people might see and think are unusual.
The bullying was the hardest thing to deal with. I knew that I was such an awesome person, and only tried my best to be good and kind, yet people would be so mean to me, and I couldn't understand. Eventually I felt like I was a freak, a mistake in nature, flawed beyond repair, an alien in a sea of people, and I felt so alone and hurt. It didn't feel fair. All I wanted was to be accepted for being the great person I was, but a lot of people didn't see past my strange ways. And I hated myself for being different. I wanted to be normal, and it tore me apart because there was nothing I could do.
Eventually, I learned that my strange looks was part of the problem. The way I dressed. So I secretly observed what the other girls were wearing and tried to conform a little more. An alien can hide better if it dresses like a person, right? After changing that a little, I made friends a little easier, and through them, I was about to begin figuring myself out. Learning how to like myself again, and live in my own skin.
Today, I am perfectly happy to be who I am, and, even though I still struggle with interactions sometimes, and need lots of hermit-time after conforming around people for a while (socializing is exhausting -.-), I am so much better ^_^ I still have my loving family, my best friend in the world, and a wonderful boyfriend who loves me even though I'm a little strange. I've become his little alien now <3 The little alien that belongs. Plus! My condition usually involves a special, intense interest in something, and then we become experts on the subject. My special interest is animals, and I have a near encyclopedic memory of the things that I have learned about animals. And it got me into University, taking zoology, doing what I love.
YAY HAPPY ENDINGS!!! :3 The end <3
